tada

2008-04-20T21:49:00.000-07:00

well. its a long time since i came back to realm of blogs. i thought since i have half an hour worth of civilian time left, i should spend the time penning my thoughts, so that i could laugh at myself in time to come.

well today is a day i am reminded of my own stupidity. my lack of maturity. where i actualize my mom's prophecy. that i am brash, that i lack concentration, proper planning, and that i cant even get a simple thing right. like checking for my 11b (army's verison of ic) before i head for my advance theory test. so that i wouldnt be barred for the test.

well, stupid isnt it? something so simple, and yet i just have to screw it up. today just totally reminded me of an incident that happened last year. for some strange reason i just completely forgot about my drivng lesson and threw 60 bucks into the drain. duh.

it feels sucky to do something like that. make a stupid mistake that i shouldnt have. chidding my self and made a promise never again, only to fall again in due time. i should really learn to stop acting smart, stop behaving as if i can accomplish many things and sit down and learn to focus, so that i can, at the very least, accomplish something that myself, and people around me can be proud of.

i feel a lack of goal, of direction in my life currently. i'm just wasting my life away cause:
1) most of the time i'm in "the organisation"
2) i'm either too tired/drained(mentally, spiritually,emotionally)/sian to do anything condusive. i just want to go out, meet friends or laze around at home, watching tv, disturbing people online.

well to be honest being in "the organisation" shaped me to a certain extent. i've seen a darker and yet realistic world outside. i've seen extremes of good and evil. and you would probably have to throw a lot more shit at me to bring me down. otherwise i'd just plug my thumb into my mouth and move on. "the organisation" made me stronger and yet and the same time, " badder" and "meaner". i find it impossible to be absolutely nice all the time. it just isnt practical, and its not the way how things work in "the organisation". its about common benefits. common goals. what can i benefit. its a different world out there.

i need control. concentration. to bring my life back to track. to rediscover who i really am. but first i need them to stop buring my weekends. to stop making me do things beyond my job scope. to control every bit of our movement. to restrain and limit our benefits and welfare. to demand without giving. to make empty promises.

7 months. that how long i'll have to endure. to protect that little bit of integrity left. to not flow with the crowd. to fake and lie my way through. to taking mcs and slacking away. to make peace with everybody. to get a fit body. =)

i'm kinda glad nobody reads my blog anymore. (hopefully! unless i have some secret admirer stalking me. hur hur.) i feel more at ease to write knowing that i wouldnt be judged. oh well.

God bless you all. if you are reading. and God bless me.
peace out.

2007-12-01T06:38:00.000-08:00

Spiritual battles.
How many of us have that kind of experience? I'm not referring to spiritual battles like a mental struggle when tempted to do something wrong. Like should i tell a lie or that sort.
I'm talking about something more eerie, something "supernatural" as one may refer as.

I purchased a book called Ghosts, A Christian's encounter a few hours ago written by Ravi Pillai, a diplomat working in the ministry of foreign affairs. i bought this book because, well, i have had such encounters before, and i wanted to see what this book has to offer with regards to such a topic. Well i completed the book in one seating, page after page, chapters after chapters, with goosebumps and shivers down my spine every few minutes.

pardon me for being a timid man, but i must admit that i have never been a brave soul when it comes to dealing with such matter. His encounters with the paranormal seemed so real to me, but its not just fear that grips me, but also the fact that he remains victorious amidst over powering odds that amaze me. The fact that God is God, and His power is all that matters.

I've had my share of ghostly encounters, but not as tangible as the ones that challenged the author's faith.

I remembered one night when i woke up in the middle of the night, and felt a powerful force holding me down. Well, i couldn't see anything of course, but some how i just knew at the back of my head that an evil force was acting against me.

i was naturally petrified. i couldn't move, and i don't exactly know what was going on. i laid there on the bed and i prayed and prayed. I was begging for His deliverance and grace while i cried and broke out in cold sweat. i sang hymns and kept calling out for His name, because that was the only thing i could have done.

after a while, all was calm and quiet. whatever that was there left as quickly as it had came. i sat upright with tears still in my eyes and body full of sweat. and i sat there thanking the Lord all night.

-That- is just one of my few encounters.

well i must admit that i have been a rather weak christian. even though i grew up in a christian family, my walk with God, my relationship with Him wasn't very strong. and it is especially so now, that i have left the christian environment in AC, and left to fend for myself in a hostile environment like the army. I have done a lot of thing that i know i shouldn't have, and i am -still- making the same mistakes i vowed not to commit the day before. i would pray for forgiveness on one day, only to fall again on another.

well this post serves to remind myself and friends reading this entry, that spiritual battles can be, at times, very real, scary and "movie-like". It is important to live each day holding on tight to His hands, for we would never know when will we have to face such challenges.

i am embarrassed that i have more than often flee from battle out of fear. i have forgotten to fix my eyes upon the Lord, and succumb to the enemy. i must admit the many sins that i have committed, and i sincerely pray for strength, courage and faith, and i hope that my friends can pray for me as i attempt to repair my relationship with God, and as i seek to walk with Him every day in my life. And i too will pray for all my friends, that you may seek peace and courage in Him every day, that we may shine and His beacon of truth and light.

To God be the Glory.

"God had not given me the spirit of fear, but of love and of power and i sound mind"
2tim 1:7

Can't

2007-11-25T05:45:00.000-08:00

Can i carol this year? Can't.

Can i go for church camp? Can't

Can i go for church camp next year? Can't

Can i sing for evening with friends next year? Can't

Can i go for tour next year? Can't

Can i have my leave in peace? Can't

Can i have my weekend in peace? Can't

Can i have a longer hols for Christmas? Can't

Can mosquitoes stop biting me? Can't

i am not trying to complain, but i really hate army.

2007-11-22T06:02:00.000-08:00

"Give me your hand, and I will follow.

Where ever you would have me go.

Give me your sign, and I will go quickly.

For your sweet fellowship, to know.

As night follows day, as rainbow follows rain.

Your love to me,

Is sweet as nectar.

And I to you shall vow,

The same. "

2007-11-21T08:49:00.000-08:00

People who knew that I was going today were wondering who my mysterious "date" was. The person was none other than Jovell Che, a friend I met 3 years ago when our family went on a tour to Western Europe. We kept in contact via Msn, and this was our first reunion after the tour. So Mark, shut up on the "who's that" drone.

Short introduction. Vell's a crazy and funny person who's currently a third year nursing student at NYP, and serving her internship at CGH. And well, we were part of this "G7 snow battle group" (I had no idea how we thought of such a corny name) 3 years back.

And I must say I'm glad to see you pal! Haha. We had quite a lot of fun today. Random strolling around town, "Lions for Lambs", Hong Kong Cafe dinner, and lastly chill out at coffee bean. A whole day exchanging stories of our wild and crazy moment in school/at work, the irritating people, stories about "toilet! toilet!", and our random jokes about Farrer Park and Motherland. hur hur.

And I met quite a lot of people round town today! I met Evon, classmate from Jurong at the MRT station, Mrs Teoh at Wisma, some PHPPS girl at dinner, and a Jurong friend at Coffee Bean. Strange day.

"Never had I seen such lions led by such lambs". That was my take away from the movie today. The movie "Lions For Lambs" was very much a GP-political science thingy, and it did set me thinking. For a while at least. The lack of GP lessons had generated quite a bit of rust inside whats left inside my head after all.

Talking about intellectual thinking, I was really amazed by an entry written by Jo. It was such a powerful entry written using such simple words. *Amazed, bows down kneel on the floor and start praying* Haha. What a talented senior.

Finally on my way home (around 1215am), I chanced upon an old lady who was sitting at the train station trying to sell her packets of tissue. Naturally I bought a packet from her so that the poor soul can return home a dollar richer, and it kinda set me thinking again. I remembered the days when I was younger and my family were trying to make ends meet, trips to Mac were such a luxury then! Its such a blessing that now I can enjoy a good cup of coffee at coffee bean without much worry. Well of course I don't go for Carlton escapades and $40 steak like SOME PEOPLE(haha), I find myself such a fortunate person!

And people, I'm not emo. There isn't melancholic, melancholy or anything like that (please spare me that people). And since I haven't been writing, combined with that fact that I'm currently in army, and that i have a track record of bad grammar, feel free to shoot me, and I'll edit the mistakes soon. =)

Last but not least, all the best to the kids who are still having their A' levels! Soon you can enjoy your fruits of labour. We'll be praying for all of ya!

Till then, have a nice day. Hur hur.

2007-11-11T05:40:00.000-08:00

2007-09-22T06:41:00.000-07:00

No Time,
No Time.

2007-08-26T04:00:00.000-07:00

"There is no life, no life without its hunger.

Each restless heart beats so imperfectly.

But when you come, and I am filled with wonder,

Sometimes I think I glimpse eternity."

-Brendan Graham

A second verse of You Raised Me Up

By Secret Garden

2007-03-15T07:14:00.000-07:00

hello! sorry for the lack of updates. been feeling rather lazy these few days. heh.
so here's a little update.

3 months of BMT life has gone in a flash, and my, it feels great! it has been a really interesting journey though, i must say. From racing with another company during 24km route march, skipping dinner and having instant noodles instead, to having our passing out parade in the heavy rain.

so well, here's some pics taken during POP (passing out parade)
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alright. for some reason, the pictures refuse to load, so i'm afraid that will have to wait.

anyways, all the best kids for terms! just do your best and have fun eh! =)
ah. before i forget, i have something to mention about arts night.
haha. its a little late, but you kids did great! so proud to see you peeps singing on stage.
and to my sister jess: you were AMAZING!
i am seriously. i never really had a chance to hear her sing by herself, and she's superb! so proud of you sis. =)

anyways, i will be back soon, hopefully with some pics.
till then, see ya! =)

2007-02-16T21:11:00.000-08:00

Hiya to all!
For a start, a very happy chinese new year and belated valentine's day to all!
Well, let me first emphasize that i have lost my ability to write and speak coherently (thanks to the army), so please try not to laugh at me should i make terrible grammatical mistakes in this entry.

Nonetheless, a little update about my life.
It has been about two months into army life, and i have completed most of the major events in bmt, and the month ahead will consist of lots of physical training. To those very concerned about my physical appearance (haha..), i have lost about 5 kg in total, so think twice before calling me xiao pang or fmb, and to mr lynn, i am afraid i am unable to cause mass movement and earthquakes any more(heh).

That aside, this new experience(army) has been rather interesting. (though honestly i cant wait for the two years end) Well, i guess its in army where you learn to appreciate the little things arounds you. FOOD (especially..), friends, tv, computers, etc etc.
It is also in army that i had the opportunity to see the best and the worst of people. not just people around me, but myself too. i see in myself agression and selfishness i havent seen for a very long time. (people in ac are all too nice.)
But of course i've also learnt to work with people, to accept people for who they are, and to keep the evil side of me in check.

So, maybe i am not cut out to be a true blue soldier. Maybe cmpb should post me to police vocation. Heh.

Army talk aside, i guess i miss school life terribly. the tonnes of hours spent in school mugging. the swimming moments with marilyn, the lectures with tenors, the retarded things we do in class, choir, even morning esemble. so juniors out there, cherish every moment left in school eh!

alright. will post again soon. hopefully. take care loads peeps. =)

2007-01-01T05:37:00.000-08:00

hey people! merry christmas and a happy new year!
i am doing fine in army.
it has been a relatively slack two weeks, but i am expecting much more physical training in time to come. so ya. here are some pics taken at alunmi bbq. enjoy!

2006-12-14T00:43:00.000-08:00

hey i bid my final farewell,
before i embark on a new journey.
take care peep,
and i'll see you soon.
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someday soon we all will be together.
if the Lord allows.
until then we'll have to muddle through somehow.
so have yourself a merry little christmas now.

2006-12-11T08:22:00.000-08:00

i've deleted the previous entry,
cause limmy found the entry grammatically disastrous,
and i am too lazy to edit.
hopefully this entry wouldnt be ridden with errors.
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marvel at my new blog skin please.
masterpiece of mindy.
thanks a lot mindy.
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well. four more days to army.
a new anchor point in life.
a new journey.
i've tried doing a few push ups a while ago.
and oh my.
i've a lot to work on man. haha.
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i am still trying to accept the fact that almost everyone would be seperated soon.
no more clement and his jokes and lynn impersonation.
no more online chats with people, at least till christmas.
and we have people flying to different parts of the world.
new journey. new friends. new life.
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so well folks.
i'll see you guys soon.
meanwhile take care and enjoy yourself.
cheers.

2006-11-30T07:50:00.000-08:00

yep. I haven't been blogging for a really long time. miss me? haha.

quick update for all, I've finally gotten my braces off! (yays and cheers!)
it feels really weird not to have them in your mouth after having them there for one and a half years.
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apparently, holidays are much more tiring then exams. in fact I am starting to lose the weight I have gain over the studying period. not because I am dieting or exercising. but just because I am so busy.
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3 church camps, 200 plus kids in total.
NOW I know why staying single is an attractive option.
cause kids don't treat you like human beings.
they treat you like toys.
hugs, kisses, are good.
but when they start throwing you around and tearing you apart..
haha..
and the worse thing is, they never get tired. NEVER.
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choir party was fantastic.
the food was just amazing. yup amazing. 5 starts.
the games were good. (ming long and his biggest tummy!)
Santa chorks was around.
and its just great to see friends whom you probably haven't seen around for a very long time.
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well, so besides that, my hols have been filled with loads of outings, dates, driving lessons, etc.
busy busy busy, exhausted exhausted exhausted.
but I guess I have been doing some thinking recently.
not that I don't use my brain most of the time,
but ya, here comes the emo part. haha.
I was looking through the tones of photos I had, and from heng yi's blog.
and truely what amazing friendships we've forged.
and its just amazing to have friends where you can be truely yourself.
but well I guess a part of me wonder how long these friendships can last.
I guess its a growing process to accept the fact that human relationships are fragile.
quoting a friend, relationships are fragile to remind us that only God is forever there.
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I don't doubt my friends.
in fact, I trust their heart.
but there are just many instances where friendships just sort of fade away.
its not really gone, but its not as strong as before.
not as vibrant, not as beautiful, not as exciting.
friends whom I thought I would hold dear to for the rest of my lives.
but now we're just left with HIs and good byes.
friends I used to spend so much time with.
now we don't even talk that often.
it really does happen really really often doesn't it?

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does that mean I will be sad and MELANCHOLIC, and lose faith in friendships?
definitely not!
in fact I'm gonna cherish even more.
I know I love these people, and since I cant promise that I'll be there with them forever.
I'll give them everything I have now.
and of course to build a stronger relationship with God.
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right. Yes. Hope that isn't too emo. Please don't read it if you don't like emo stuff.
or ramblings.
yihui is just pondering about life. haha. Yea right.
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oh. I realised that some friends are rather concerned with my marital status. single that is.
nothing else.
not to worry, I am not gender-confused.
please don't help me look for a partner.
the Lord will provide.
besides, I am too immature for one. wouldnt want to hurt others and myself.
and I am not very much wanted.
haha. world peace. (quoting esther)
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anyways. I am sending out an appeal to anyone who would like to redo my blog for me.
don't be mistaken yihui(f), your design is good. but since geeks like geoff prefer something better I guess I can change a style to suit them. =)
since I am an it idiot. some one please offer to come up with something nice.
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2006-11-21T08:48:00.000-08:00

went for photo shoot sessions with the pro today, tired but enjoyed myself.
so here are some photos for sharing. and to show off a little of my lousy skills. ironic.
anyways. enjoy.

2006-11-20T07:44:00.000-08:00

i have been really bored. so was playing around with my camera.
here's some pictures! for the fun of it.

behind the curtains

handphone accessory

A life heroic. wonderful note from deb
stormy day
3 tone sky

2006-11-18T09:10:00.000-08:00

yes. A's is finally over. for me at least. So those who are still working at it keep going! haha..

well, i found post a levels activities more tiring than preparation for the exam itself.
haha, oh well.

anyways, just sent a great friend sisi off, a chinese scholar who i have spent quite a lot of time with together cause we have lots of similar free periods. a great friend with a great heart and a big smile. well, i probably wouldnt see her in the near future, but thats where sci and tech comes in i guess. i'm going to miss you pal! =)

speaking abt that, i miss geoff. haha.. and the other choir seniors all over the world.
and of course thinking abt those in my batch who will be leaving soon too.
sigh. haha.. late night emo-ness.

anyways, i've found deb fung's cd, which i wanted to get for quite some time already, and there is a song i would like to share with everyone. its in her first album i think, and its called eternity. clemon posted her video on his blog a few entries ago.

ya, this song goes out to all my friends, and especially non christian friends.
that YOU are, whoever reading this, the apple of my eye.
this is my song, my prayer, for you.

eternity.

my friend you are, the apple of mine eye, light of my heart.
i dont know if you know how much, you mean to me.
each day i pray for you, that Jesus reaches you.
for you know that, i want you with me in eternity.

i see your heart, and i believe in you.
you set apart, for the One who made you made me.
crossed path with you, as we do life together.
can you just always remember, i am here for you.

when you feel tired, when you feel lonely, uninspired.
lift your eyes to heaven, there, friend is you comforter and strenght.
when you rejoice in blessing,
something in you might start guessing that God is watching over you

if i had failed to show you accurately, i'm in love with a God who loves me more than anything
and it's not like he has choosen to favour me, i was just blessed to have someone to share his love with me.

my friend you are,
the apple of my eye.
cheers.

2006-11-01T05:03:00.000-08:00

Once Again

Dear Lord, once again i have strayed,
Away from your love,
Into the sea of darkness,
surronded by valleys,
facing the giant.

Tired, lost, confused, helpless
Cold, devasted, broken.

But amidst the echoes or taunts and laughter,
I hear a voice i can never forget.
The same voice that's always there time and time again.
The voice of deliverance, the voice of truth.

So Lord i call out to you once again,
I'm on my knees to ask you to carry me again,
That i may soar on your amazing grace,
Hold your hand and never let it go again.
And to sing for joy and not cower in fear,
Only for your glory Lord, your glory.

So Lord grant me strenght to hold out my hands,
That i may hold on to yours and never let go.
Daddy God, forgive me and lead me,
Once again.
Once again.
Once again.

2006-09-29T08:46:00.000-07:00

here you are staring at my new blog skin,
wonderfully beautifully done by yihui.
yes. not me. i am a computer idiot.
yihui as in mindy's pal mindy.
much thanks Yihui for your help.
and this entry shall be dedicated to you! =)
anyways. busy mugging for As now.
wont be blogging soon i guess.
take care peeps.

2006-09-07T10:24:00.000-07:00

right, here i am sitting in front of the computer at nearly one thirty after a great day a geoff's hse. and oh well, my emo-ness tends to show itself in the night, so i thought i shall blog about some of interesting little things that has been going through my mind.
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Watched the musical (musical/movie right?) 'rent' and geoff's hse, which was really great. The singing was fanstastic and the actors were good and the show was rather thought provoking. Well, there were two pairs of homosexual couples featured in the show and part of the theme of the muscial was love.
Dont you think that its ironic that sometimes we regard people like them loving in a 'wrong' manner, when most of the time we might not understand love as much as they do. Not that i support such behaviour, and i have to admit it can be a little disturbing to see guys kissing in the show for me, but really if we convert them to any normal couple it would have been very romantic. The lyrics, the song. the songs are great i must say. Most of them.
Its a great show that got me thinking, though its rather intellectual challenging for me, and i had some difficulties understand what was going on in certain parts of the show.

Five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes
Five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred moments so dear
How Do You Measure
Measure A Year?
In Daylights?
In Sunsets?
In Midnights?
In Cups Of Coffee?
In Inches?
In Miles?
In Laughter?
In Strife?
How About Love?
Seasons of Love.
Remember the Love
Measure In Love
Oh you got to remember the love,
You know that love is a gift from up above
Share love, give love, spread love
Measure, measure your life in love.
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when the girls left the house nearing twelve,
the guys stayed around and mark picked up his guitar and starting playing some christians songs.
and everyone just starting singing and harmonising together.
and to me just felt so magical.
thats love,
thats a gift from up above.
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haha.. oh no. why am i being so emo.
oh no.
oh well.
how would you measure a year?
=)

2006-08-25T08:39:00.000-07:00

If you wander off too far,my love will get you home.
If you follow the wrong star,my love will get you home.
If you ever find yourself,
lost and all alone,
get back on your feet and think of me,
my love will get you home.
Boy, my love will get you home.
If the bright lights blinds your eyes, my love will get you home.
If your troubles break your stride, my love will get you home.
If you ever find yourself,
lost and all alone, get back on your feet and think of me,
my love will get you home.
Boy, my love will get you home.
If you ever feel ashame, my love will get you home.
If its only you to blame, my love will get you home.
If you ever find yourself,
lost and all alone, get back on your feet and think of me,
my love will get you home.
Boy, my love will get you home.

2006-08-19T20:43:00.000-07:00

man.
one day i am going to invent a space suit.
with a mini air condition run by solar energy.
or a shirt with a layer of cooling agent,
that activates when the surronding temperature reaches a certain degree.
the weather is crazily hot these few days!
who says global warming isnt impt?!
down with pollutants!
down with modern technology!
except air con.
and fans.
and computer.
and handphones.
and.. sigh i guess its not really working.
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well.
some quotes to tide through prelims.

I like the man who faces what he must
With step triumphant and a heart of cheer.
who fights the daily battle without fear;
See his hopes fail, yet keeps unfaltering trust
That God is God; that somehow, true and just,
His plans work out for mortals.
Not a tear is shed, when fortune, which the world holds dear,
Falls from his grasp.
Better with love a crust,
Than living in dishonour;
Envies not, Nor loses his faith in man,
But does his best.
Nor even murmurs at his humble lot,
But with a smile and words of hope gives zest to every toiler.
He alone is great who by a life heroic conquers fate.
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These are the words a dear friend shared with me after a terrible term.
The words that gave me strength courage to tide the moment.
And here the words i share with you.
To give you zest to every toiler.
Cheers.

2006-08-10T07:03:00.000-07:00

MELANCHOLIC

what a word.
i know my "fans" have been eagerly waiting for my new entry.
something emotionally provocative.
something sad.
something about farewell..
well...

NAH!
=)
haha.
too bad, mark, geoff, and mr melancholic.
well, i am not that emo. heh.
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i know i shd be studying..
but i just had a random thought.
i remembered limmy telling me about learning not to expect anything from anyone.
which reminds me... we have unlimited wants. we expect too many things.
we wonder why people dont 'love' us in some case.
we wonder why some ppl are so irritating.
we are so upset of the things we cant have.
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but we tend to forget about the things we can do.
the little difference we can make.
which is why prayer of st francis never fails to move to.
it is so easy to want to be love than to love.
to receive than to give.
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anyways, a good song to share, titled The Lonesome Road, which most people who have heard of...
well.. putting aside the lonesome road part, part of the lyrics goes..
"if i had stopped to listen once or twice.
if i had closed my mouth and opened my eyes.
if i had cooled my head and warmed my heart."

indeed.
how much tears and anger,
quarrels and disputes.
if i had stopped to listen once or twice,
opened my eyes and closed my mouth,
cooled my head and warmed my heart.
what a reminder.
stop expecting,
start giving.
happy prelims people.
=)

2006-07-18T06:03:00.000-07:00

i have just been amazed, touched and blessed by a blog.
my friend's friend's blog. yea.
the things she shared in her blog makes my entry pale in comparison.
And you know how some ppl like to complain abt their lives, their woes and gossip about everything under the sun. yet this amazing entry written by that person just stood out from all other entries i have read before in other ppl's post.
and i am thankful for her sharing, even though i dont know her.
Thanks Jofid. =)
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anyways,
one portion of her sharing was about the event that was recorded in the bible, about the adultress who was brought forth to Jesus by the pharisees. And Jesus told the crowd, " he who is without sin, let him throw a stone at her first."
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There are always people out there who are so unlovable, so irritating, and so yuks.
But who are we to judge?
Who are we to condemn?
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when there is hatred, let us sow love.

2006-07-13T06:10:00.000-07:00

well. i just saw this on the tv.
it was a conversation between a guy, a girl and a fish.
the two of them were bakers,
and they were super stressed out over a cake they have to prepare.
so the girl pretended to talk to the fish in a fish tank.
"hey fish, you are having so much fun and freedom swimming happily in the tank, swimming freely while we slog here day and night."
the guy told the girl " do you know what is the fish's reply? it will say you have the freedom of being outside the tank, so why are you complaining?"
well, the conversation was in chinese, hopefully my translation works. =)

2006-07-12T06:17:00.000-07:00

I was looking outside the window a moment ago..
in the dark blue sky a full moon shone brightly..
its mellow warm light radiated in the sky.
you know how Chinese always relate full moon as reunion.
and today the moon shone brightly,
as my family just came back from tour.
welcome home my dear family. =)

2006-07-11T06:25:00.000-07:00

Finally I am eighteen.
Like hamstarface I was probably expecting myself to be eager and excited about it,
But it kinda was just another ordinary day, with lots of well wishes, gifts and etc from friends.
But it has been an interesting birthday.
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Well, received a card from my know-each-other-so-well until-rotten friend enci, and church friends got me a super big water bottle. Received a pen and a card too. So my afternoon was spent with my church friends who had a great time torturing me.
Well, its like this.
We have this tradition of making the birthday boy/girl eat fries using their mouth, with the fries stuck on top of a sundae. So ever birthday we tried to push the fries further and further down, so that the person would have problems getting it out.
This time, they went for the extreme. They placed the fries in the cup before having the sundae on top, and I had to dig and do all sorts of unglamorous things to get them out, with ice cream all over my face.
Thanks people. =)
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Anyways, as usual, pleasantly surprised by some,
disappointed by others, but nonetheless a great day.
Just received a small video Chars the great made for me,
which she spend half of it boasting abt herself. haha.
Thanks anyways pal.
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so yup. This marks the end of this special day.
a little older, a little wiser,
one year nearer to death,
yet one more year of beautiful memories added to my life.
cheers. =)

2006-07-07T06:46:00.000-07:00

I survived without being tau pok, stripped, raped, and anything close enough.
THANK GOODNESS!
Haha.. kinda expected it to come from my classmates.. but thankfully roy decides to give me a break this year. He was chasing me all around school last year.
But anyways, i have a great pre birthday celebration.(since my birthday is on sunday)
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Well, i kinda know something is going to happen when Enci started acting weirdly when i said i didnt wanted to go to the library today.(thats when you help to plan so much birthday surprises)
So anyways, the class peeps, lead by my wonderful classmates Marilyn and Qin Yi got me a cake from coffee bean! And a birthday balloon, knowing that that is the last thing i would want to have. Haha. when it comes to planning birthdays, i always tell them to get those big birthday balloons which can be rather embrassing to carry around. A teacher convinently calls it "wish-me-its-my-birthday"
Yep. so they sang me a birthday song, made me carry the balloon all around. Thankfully there is only geo lecture today, and the cake was great!
Love you guys. Thanks so much for preparing everything.
Oh ya. they also got me a small shower kit and hand washing soap so that i will stop diluting my sweat after exercising.. heh..
Haha..
They know me well.
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And my wonderful tsl gotten me a chicken essence for teenagers, in CHINESE.
so yup. more work to do.. heh. thanks bro!
Yup, and my 3 little kids got their dad a cool looking shirt which ATTEMPTS to explains what goes through a dad's mind.
Which is not very true kids!
But the shirt is still cool! And i LOVE it.
Haha. i love my 3 kids.
Ever full of love, energy, smiles.
And the smiles on their faces are the best gift i receive everyday.
Jon, Deb, Frances.
Love you kids.
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And i had lunch with a few of the choir ppl,
deb, jon, vic, joel, ben, steph.
thanks for having lunch with me. =)
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how i wish the tour choir ppl are here celebrating with me,
But i've just received the best present from them.
I've just received some good news..
So.... YEA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
GO TOUR CHOIR!
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2006-07-04T05:25:00.001-07:00

*click*(switching off the lights)
*drags tired body to bed*
*handphone vibrates* (msged received)
the name reads : lim hui.
0.0
*checks again*
*yay!!!!*
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I was about to drag my tired and sore body(after all the napfa training) when i received this special msg from limmy aka mom who is now currently in London.
The msg reads, 'hey son, just thought of you guys back home, again. i think of all of you everytime we sing. hope all is well back home. we are all fine here. take care.'
Even though i havent been studying a lot compared to some of my friends who have much more to cover, i am already quite tired of studying. And sometimes when i am studying alone i feel so tired and unmotivated. Yet this simple msg that traveled accross the distance rejuvernates me with joy, happiness and strenght.
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Some may say its stupid to feel so much for a 12 day departure.
Yet to me, it is the feeling on connectedness that is missing.
And its the little things these people around me do every single day that brightens up my life, such that their 12 day departure makes a big difference, at least for now.
yet such a simple and short connection, a simple message, can be full of love, care and concern.
its good to know that they are doing well there, and really hope that they continue to learn and grow along the way.
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seperated by miles of seas and land.
parted by time difference and location,
i've come to realised that we are very much connected nonetheless actually.
we may be miles apart, but our passion, heart, thought, spirit remains as one.
they maybe working hard fighting their 'battle', we are here fighting ours.
And we stay steadfast, knowing that we are there for each other, praying for one another.
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i cant wait for their return.
to hear about the little interesting adventures they had.
to know how they fared.
to see how much they have grown.
to have those little imps around sch.
to have the j2s back fighting this battle with us.
to tell them how much we miss them.
all of us.
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the thing that struck me in that msg was 'we think of you guys all the time when we sing'
yea. music. special huh.
we may not be singing here back home.
but we will always have music in our heart.

2006-07-02T04:48:00.000-07:00

Have you ever tried lying on someone else's back for support?
Well, it occurred to me that you can give without receiving,
And you can't receive without giving.
If you put too much pressure, your friend cant support you.
But if you think you are exerting much pressure, and decides to lean back,
You can't support your friend.

That reminds me of friendship.
You cant give without receiving.
And receive without giving.

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It has been two and a half day since tour choir left for tour.
On the Friday morning which they left, i saw Heng Yi around in school.
We were randomly chatting, and he told me, "I miss the j1s."
Me too.
Haha.
Its just 12 days for goodness sake!
Well. To me, its not just about them being not around with us,
Or not being to be in London right now,
But what i really wanted is to be with them, the tour choir, experiencing what they are going through WITH them.. guiding them.. bonding with them..
Experiencing the magic with them.
"You have to learn to let go" deb told me.
Haha..
But it just different without familiar faces around.
No Limmy to correct my grammar.
No Mark to gay around with.
No Clement to tell me the little interesting things that happened during the day.
No Ming Long for us to make fun of, to hear him sing suddenly in class.
No Marcus to tell me how the tenors are faring.
No Germaine to seek my professional translation services.
No Andrea to talk about all sorts of things.
No Zihan to 'bully'
No teachers around to say hi to.
Just for 12 days.
I am so jealous that the 4 j2s can be there to share the moment with them.
Praying for you guys!
Do us proud. Not by excelling others, but excelling yourself!
We'll be praying..
And maybe it's time for me to focus on the reason why i am not on tour.
STUDY.
I am making progress. =)

2006-06-23T10:42:00.000-07:00

Have you ever wished for mind reading powers?
Where you can read the thoughts of others around you.
So you will know when to do the right thing and say the right words at the right time.
You know how to cheer your friend up.
You know how to make someone's day.
You wouldnt get into trouble.
You know when to tell the person you like her.
You know when to scram and leave someone alone.

Why?
Cause we all, to a certain extend want to please others.
Make your friends happy.
Be the hero.
Make a difference.

But?
In a world where x-men dont exists,
The only right thing to do,
Is to be true about yourself.
Be sincere.
Be who you are.
What a random post.
Oh well.

2006-06-22T09:39:00.000-07:00

Well.
Imagine yourself as a commander leading your troops in a battle.
Two of your men are stranded in the battlefield while your toops are evacuating the area.
So now you have two choices:
1) Go back and save them because you dont leave your men behind, and risk the lives of other soldiers.
2) Leave them behind. for the loss of two soldiers are much smaller than risking the whole platoon. every life is precious afterall. if saving the two lives results in the loss of 5 other good men, will you do it?

Both morally right. isnt it?
What will you do?

2006-06-20T10:18:00.000-07:00

As long as Ihave music

When the world seems far beyond me,
And i have no place to go.
When my life seems more then empty,
and i feel i'm all alone.

Then i saw
That i remember,
As to ease
My troubled mind.
Then i find
A strenght within me,
To reach out
Just one more time.

For as long as i have music
As long as there's a song for me to sing
I can find my way
I can see a brighter day
The music in my life
Will set my spirit free.

When the road
Is dark and lonely,
And i fear
I want cry.
When the dream
I keep inside me
Seems to fade and almost die

Then i call upon the music
And it help me dry my tears
And i know that i can make it,
And go on,
Depsite my fear.

For as long as i have music.
As long as there's a song for me to sing.
I can find my way,
I can see a brighter day.
The music in my life,
Will set my spirit free.

For as long as i have music.
As long as there's a song for me to sing.
I can find my way ,
I can see a brighter day.
The music in my life,
Will set my spirit free.

2006-06-20T04:49:00.000-07:00

A senior of mine has his msn nick that goes like these:

You can't force love, all you can do is to be someone who can be loved,
The rest is up to the person to realise what's your worth.

What words of wisdom isn't it?

Too often many speak of the Mr/Miss Right for them with regards to relationships,
But we neglect the need to be the lovable person too.
So instead of seeking for them,
Why not be who you are, a lovable person worth loving?
It's up to the person to realise what's your worth.
At least God knows.
Cheers. =)

2006-06-19T08:25:00.000-07:00

AN IRISH BLESSING

May the light always find you at the end of the day.
When you need to be home may the saints guide your way.
May you always have courage to take the chance.
And never find frogs in your underpants.

Walls for the wind,
And a roof for the rain,
And drinks beside the fire.

Laughter to cheer you,
And those you love near you.
And all that your heart may desire.

2006-06-16T01:08:00.000-07:00

i should be going my work.
should.
some people just never learn from their mistake.
sigh. *shake heads*
haha.
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A friend of mine's msn nick goes like this:
to love is to hurt, because the people who hurt you most are those you love.
But i guess,
sometimes you wouldnt really know what love is unless you have been hurt.
and it is when we are hurt, we are reminded of love,
and the need to love.
isnt it?
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
after a conversation with clement.
i've just realised how much time i have spend with limmy.
and she should be so sick and tired of having me running to her whenever i have any problems.
and its just amazing how God put people like them around us.
and i can never thank her enough for everything she has done.
and i seriously cant imagine what my jc experience would be without her ever guidance, support, and friendship.
and its not just her.
i was just telling a junior of mine,
its in ac choir where many of us meets the best people in the world,
and form the best friendships.
special.
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just went for a haircut with david charles tay, and spent my wed afternoon hanging out with the alumni guys.. walking around.. chatting.. feasting.
my hair is suppose to be.. well.. -funky- now..
haha. ok...
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
while walking around in wisma with david charles,
i saw this mother holding on to a rope-a-like thing.. which was tied to her daughter's dress.
her daughter was falling on to the ground and she was yanking on the 'rope' violently, pulling her daughter up.
yes. like a dog.
my goodness.
people like these ought to be shot.
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when qing hao asked me: you blog is the one with the curly lines right?
my eyes went . o.o
*stunned*
haha. surprising indeed.
hi! if you are reading.
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haha. sometimes i think i am such a nusiance.. i need to stop disturbing people.
and start studying.
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good day ppl,
God bless..

2006-06-10T05:23:00.000-07:00

well. I have deleted my previous entry again.
discovered that there is a lack of -coherence- in the entry.
-------------------------------------------------------------

its not easy for me to find a decent looking picture of me.
not too fat and not too ugly that is. And I found this picture.
thanks to the courtesy of Joel. =)
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so well, when I tried to get people to admire such a rare picture of mine,
a very good old friend made fun of me.. As usual.
the very same person who gave me the fmb nickname. Fat Malay Boy. That is.
But oh well. I am used to it. All that teasing and whatever not.
but nonetheless,
a little picture to commemorate a good friendship God has provided.

There. Enjoying a good ice cream in Prague with Chars the Great.
Thank God for great friends like you pal. =)
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anyways. Not in a mood for words. A picture says a thousand words.
a few pictures would say a few thousand words. -duh-

the first few members of the family.

that is me and my brother-in-arms wreaking havoc with our braces.

our accomplices.

and finally,

Yihui meets Yihui.
cheers.
good day people

2006-06-04T07:38:00.000-07:00

if you've seen my previous post,
and its missing now.
and you are wondering why.
i have deleted it.
well. we live in a world. where the truth cannot be told in all circumstance.
censorship has to fall into place for a better good.
nonetheless.
good day. =)

2006-06-02T06:49:00.000-07:00

responding to david charles's request..
i have..
increased to font size from 'normal' to 'large'.
removed the music player.
so that my blog will be more reader-friendly.
now for more ramblings for the day.

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I AM AN EMO PERSON.
I AM SAD.
I AM DEPRESSED.
SO MUCH SO THAT I CANT USE ONE SYLLABUS WORDS TO DESCRIBE IT(SAD)
AND I HAVE TO USE 4. (MELANCHOLY)
I AM UPSET ABOUT LIFE.
I AM UNHAPPY
david charles: i can see the emo in your eyes. (haha.. ok)
albert: he (refering to me) is trying to improve on his vocab by using cheem words in his emo entries.. (ok.. i do? haha)

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So one of the main topic of the day is Yihui the emo.

emo case no 1:

incident: was feasting with king david and king ben
ben: can you passed me the cheese
(i heard chilli)
[i passed him the chilli, and david passed him the cheese]
david: wa somebody full of emo thoughts huh.. not paying attention..

emo case no 2:

incident: the three of us randomly walking around at marina square.. david was looking for shirts. after looking around.. walking around randomly.. i walked into the ladies section.. thinking that there is an exit there.

david charles: hey. thats the ladies section lar. so emotional that you have to start cross dressing is it? haha..
so yes. emo yihui.

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which reminds me of the topic of the day.

MAN.

being man.

hahahahahahahahaha..

i havent stop laughing the whole day.
lots of interesting things happens in the bedroom..
especially late at night when you are half asleep. haha.

or sometimes you are so tired and all you need is a good MASSAGE!
hahaha..

(due to the sensitivity of the content, i cannot divulge the contents of the joke. haha)

now i know how a bass feels..

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feasted like a king today. kenny rogers.

ben remains as the undisputed champion.. finishing two portions of chicken.. and lots of side dish.

and of course the conversation somehow revolves around certain topics.
haha..

*wink wink. chuckle. smile in the you-know-who style*

hahahahahahaaha..

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sorry.
it has been a crazy day.
but anyways.
one thing i've learnt from david today.
sometimes we try to control the things that we cannot control..
and we get troubled by it..
and upset when we cannot control these thing.
but sometimes we should focus more on what we can do.
what we have control over.
concrete examples.
how true.
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i saw this ad on national geographic channel.
about wildlife conservation,.
it goes like this..
it amazing how redwood cannot survive without the works of tiny ants.
how trees cannot survive without small insects

i can still remember the super bass from santo tomas joking abt his tenor and sop counterparts.
short people, he said.
but they are good!

sometimes its the small the controls the big.
you are never too small for anything.
sometimes
but size doesnt matter.

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stephen said there is this rumor abt me and some j1. i wonder who is it.
haha.. interesting..

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
well.
surprisingly.
i am at peace with something now.
let be. let live. let go.
i am beginning to understand better these precious words limmy taught me.

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is this entry emo enough?
haha..
oh well.

' the overflowing sorrow that wells in my heart walls my broken soul with an aura of melancholy. can you see the tears in my eyes. can you hear the silent cries of sorrow from my heart.'

haha..
emo.
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well. now for songs that i grew up with..

there's gotta be more to life by stacey orrico

Yea, yea
Oh ohhI

've got it all, but I feel so deprived
I go up, I come down and I'm emptier inside
Tell me what is this thing that I feel like I'm missing
And why can't I let go

There's gotta be more to life...
Than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me
Cause the more that I'm...
Tripping out thinking there must be more to life
Well it's life, but I'm sure... there's gotta be more

Than wanting more
I've got the time and I'm wasting it slowly
Here in this moment I'm half way out the door
Onto the next thing, I'm searching for something that's missing

There's gotta be more to life...
Than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me
Cause the more that I'm...
Tripping out thinking there must be more to life
Well it's life, but I'm sure... there's gotta be more
Than wanting more
Than waiting on something other than this
Why am I feelin' like there's something I missed.....

There's gotta be more to life...
Than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me
Cause the more that I'm...
Tripping out thinking there must be more to life
Well it's life, but I'm sure... there's gotta be moreTo life..
Than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me
Cause the more that I'm...
Tripping out thinking there must be more to life
Well it's life, but I'm sure... there's gotta be more to life....life..
ohh...more to life....theres gotta be more to life...ohh...more to life....
theres gotta be more to life...ohhh

2006-06-01T08:17:00.000-07:00

went for recording for livia's a level piece today.. fun fun!
haha..
we shd record all the songs we sang before next time..
and whenever the going gets tough..
listening to the music will reminds us of the memories we had..
and renew us.

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everyone is suffering from post performance high. haha.
relax people.
wait till tour comes.
and carolling!
then you will know what HIGH really means. haha..

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

its never easy to find someone you truely love. who. truely loves you too.

do you agree?

haha. oh well.
at least i never found one

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which reminds me of a song a friend of my composed.
a cinderella story.

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well. i am home alone again!
my parents are off to australia..
my brother is still in camp.
and i am all by myself..
lonely..
i am so lonely..
haha..

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alright. short entry for now..
and now for -songs i grew up with-
today we have another westlife oldie.
ladies and gentlemen..

flying without wings

Everybody's looking for that something
One thing that makes it all complete
You'll find it in the strangest places
Places you never knew it could be
Some find it in the face of their children
Some find it in their lover's eyes
Who can deny the joy it brings
When you've found that special thing
You're flying without wings
Some find it each and every morning
Some in their solitary lives
You'll find it in the words of others
A simple line can make you laugh or cry
You'll find it in the deepest friendship
The kind you cherish all your life
And when you know how much that means
You've found that special thing
You're flying without wings
So, impossible as it may seem
You've got to fight for every dream
Cos who's to know which one you let go
Would have made you complete
Well, for me it's waking up beside you
To watch the sunrise on your face
To know that I can say I love you
In any given time or place
It's little things that only I know
Those are the things that make you mine
And it's like flying without wings
Cos you're my special thing
I'm flying without wings
And you're the place my life begins
And you'll be where it ends
I'm flying without wings
And that's the joy you bring
I'm flying without wings

2006-05-30T02:00:00.000-07:00

songs that i grew up with..

ladies and gentlemen....

IF I LET YOU GO..

Day after day
Time passed away
And I just can't get you off my mind
Nobody knows, I hide it inside I keep on searching but I can't find
The courage to show to letting you knowI've never felt so much love before
And once again I'm thinking about
Taking the easy way out

But if I let you go I will never know
What my life would be holding you close to me
Will I ever see you smiling back at me?
How will I know if I let you go?

Night after night I hear myself say
Why can't this feeling just fade away
There's no one like you (no one like you) You speak to my heart (speak to my heart)
It's such a shame we're worlds apart
I'm too shy to ask, I'm too proud to lose
But sooner or later I gotta choose
And once again I'm thinking about
Taking the easy way out

But if I let you go I will never know
What my life would be, holding you close to me
Will I ever see you smiling back at me? (oh yeah)
How will I know[Shane:] if I let you go ?
If I let you go ooooh baby Ooooooooohhhhh
Once again I'm thinking about Taking the easy way out Ooooooooohhhhh

But if I let you go I will never know
What my life would be, holding you close to me
Will I ever see you smiling back at me?(oh yeah)
How will I know([ if I let you go?)
But if I let you go I will never know ( oh baby)
Will I ever see you smiling back at me?( oh yeah)
How will I know if I let you go ?

2006-05-29T23:28:00.000-07:00

Random sporadic thoughts.. ready? lets go..
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remember the entry i wrote about my secondary school friend? the guy who was playing the xbox game with a primary school kid? today i saw 3. what can i say? =)

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one thing. HI ALBERT!!!!!!!!!
haha.. he reads my blog! i am surprised. (the same reaction he had with regards to my recent "matured thought". i am surprised you think now.) haha. thats what he said. haha. i love albert. taught me so much.
thanks bro! long johns rox! haha..

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i met yihui! yay! hi yihui. nice to meet you! do send me that photo.. haha.. i'll post it on my blog.
yihui(male) meets yihui(female). how cool can that be? =)

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limmy just taught me something.
sometimes. 'bad things' are there to teach you to hold on dearly to the 'right ones' when they come along.
every lesson strenghtens you and teach you to become a better person.
isnt it?
sometimes..i guess part of my really hope that 'right ones' can come along soon.
and i probably would hold on to it like crazy.
haha..
sorry peeps. cant elaborate.
but how true.
Lord give me strenght.

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i just love my juniors.
i can still remember how they were all still young and restless.(ops. haha..)
how they have to adapt to choir life.. rules and regulation..
how they struggled along the way.
how they grew to become who they are today.
how they.. to a certain extend. never give up.
how they.. even if they disagree with us, understands our stand.
how they.. grew to become our friends..
how they.. truely become part of the choir..
how they.. matured.
its amazing how much one can grow in the acchoir experience.
you guys are my source of inspiration and strenght too!
God bless good souls like you.

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Albert! Mark! remember the coffee we had at london airport!? i just had a cup of coffee at coffee bean and i was reminded of that super good coffee we had! do try it again during tour and let me know if it is still up to standard.
sigh. i sure hope i can go tour.
but. i had my share.
its time to move on.
there are much much more things out there life.

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son.
your dad.
is an it moron.
i have no idea how to remove that tag.
abt how you want deb to hug you first!
haha.. ops.
when i know how to do that.
i will do so.
otherwise.
hehheh. =)

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evening with friends.
what can i say.
first half.
credible.
kasar.
died.
worse than silent night.
i made two stupid mistakes.
and almost killed myself after the first half.
thank goodness there are good friends around to pull me up again.
but.
BUT.
but. =)
second half was amazing.
sang my heart out.
sang with my friends.
performed with everything i could.
shared my music.
it was all that matters.
i've done it.
its done.
and i'm lovin it.
haha.
it was am amazing evening with friends.
with friends.
friends.

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having come thus far in this life changing journey.
a crazy combination of different emotions running through my mind.
i am reminded of how words are insufficient.
many things are just..
beyond words.
beyond words.
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there are times where the journey seemed impossible.
difficult and perilous.
this song just reminded me.
there is no journey as difficult than this..

Why?- Nicole NordemanWe rode into town the other day, just me and my Daddy. He said I'd finally reached that age, and I could ride next to him on a horse that of course was not quite as wideWe heard a crowd of people shouting and so we stopped to find out why There was that man that my dad said he loved, but today there was fear in his eyesSo I said Daddy why are they screaming? Why are the faces of some of them beaming?Why is he dressed in that bright purple robe? I bet that crown hurts him more than he shows Daddy please can't you do something? He looks as if he's going to cryYou said he is stronger than all of those guys-Daddy please tell me why, why does everyone want him to die?Later that day the sky grew cloudy and daddy said I should go insideSomehow he knew things would get stormy, boy was he rightBut I could not keep from wondering if there was something that he had to hideSo after he left I had to find out, I was not afraid of getting lostSo I followed the crowds to a hill where I knew men had been killedAnd I heard a voice come from a cross:And it said : Father why are they screaming.Why are the faces of some of them beaming?Why are they casting their lots for my clothes?? I bet that crown hurts him more than he showsFather please can't you do something? I know that you must hear my cryI thought I could handle a cross of this size, Father remind me why, why does everyone want me to die.When will I understand why?My precious Son, I hear them screaming. I'm watching the face of the enemy beaming but soon I will clothe you in robes of my own. Jesus this hurts me more than you know But this dark hour I must do nothing. I've heard your unbearable cry'the power in your blood destroys all the lies, soon you?ll see past their unmerciful eyes. Look there below see the child trembling by her father's side. Now I can tell you why, she is why you must die.

hope. there is always hope.
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thats all folks. good day.
God bless. ( a good habit i've learnt from my granddaughter andrea.=) )

2006-05-26T06:59:00.000-07:00

we take people for granted all our lives.
because they are just there.
and it never crossed our minds that things would change.
until..
it really did happened.

i guess many of us are really upset about it.
even though she is still serving. (for as long as she can)
but everything is so different.

thank you for teaching us so many things.
thank you for being a role model.
thank you for moulding our character.
thank you for sharing the music.

"passion makes you crazy, but is there any other way to live?"

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i am reminded.. oh how people can make the same mistakes again and again. lessons have been learnt the hard way.

but things just have to happen again.

oh well.

sorrowful indulgence.

what does it mean to you?

2006-05-16T07:24:00.000-07:00

i saw a fellow secondary sch mate(he is j2 this year) playing an xbox game at a computer shop at jurong point this afternoon. he opponent? a primary sch kid.

food for thought: does technology bridge age differences, or it reduces our maturity to those of a small little kid?

i wonder

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

there are so many complications in life. irony. desires.
to want to know.
to be in control.
to feel loved.
only by the ones we love.
to want to be the best. be in the limelight.
to look good. look pretty.
to be smart.
to be good at everything. sports. musical talents.
to meet the expectations of others.
and expectation of ourselves.
to desire friends.
to desire companionship.
to know how the same 'love'
can produce different results.
when its given by different people.
to desire attention from someone who desires for another's.

the complexity of life and the rules and definitions of the world.
has turned our world into maze.
only to struggle in it and cry in despair.

life is always a struggle. here and there. isnt it?
i guess we have forgotten..
that the only way to get out of the maze is to walk.
and trust your guide.
you will get out.
somehow. someday.

sometimes we really need to learn how to be a kid.
sometimes we really need to learn how to smile again.
we need new dreams.

smile my friend. smile.
everything is alright.
it always is. =)

2006-05-12T08:16:00.000-07:00

"the world of politics revolves around common benefits. friendship is not about being kind or compassionate. no one is going to care if thousands are dying in the country if there is no benefit awaiting"

the world is a sad place. the ne talk has brought reality back to idealistic teenagers.
love? care? compassion? excuse me?

we live in a survival driven world. its all about personal benefits. its all about me me and me.
what do i get. what i want.
pragmatism.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

its a cold, chilly night. it was drizzling as a bunch of friends were on the bus on a rocky journey home after a performance. the few of us.. singing with the purest heart. of the purest intend. the voices might not be all out beautiful. but the hearts of the people then were bounded by the music they sang.. the passion they had.. they friendships they shared..
we were singing.. on suri su rantas. a song that depicts the desolate.. the lonliness.. the sorrow.. yet woven with god rest ye merry gentlemen.. proclamining the hope that christ brings.
i thought the rocky ride home.. was similar to the song we sing.. and the experience we had. so much ups and downs in life.. so much sorrow.. and difficult times.. yet so much hope. so much love. so much passion. embedded in every action..

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

most people hate napfa. especially those who hate sports. however.. i love napfa, to a certain extend, as it is not only a chance to push myself beyond my physical limits.. but it shows a lot about friendship.
i am a terrible runner i must say.. and i am slow.. but throughout my run on thursday.. scores of people were cheering for me.. spuring me on.. pacing me..best friends.. good friends.. normal friends.. even strangers!
they dont benefit from anything. they dont get anything in return for helping me.. for cheering me on.. but they did. friendship. love. simple words that explains the motivation.

much thanks to ben, who kept reminding me about God.. christina.. marilyn.. krystal.. ying ling.. and many many others who were there to spur me on..

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

lots of things happened these few days.. and it kept me thinking consistently.. the world is such an unfeeling place.. so cruel.. so evil..
yet it is through darkness that light truimph.
it is through darkness that we see the need for light.
and the show crashed reminded me the basic humanity that we all have.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

love never fails.
God bless.
yihui

2006-03-26T04:58:00.001-08:00

this week has been an amazing week.

this was what happened.

well. terms last week.

well. this terms is sort of important to me because i needed to prove.
to prove myself and my parents that i can perform for my studies.
i studied quite hard actually.
although i could have done more. definitely.
i studied like crazy for math, and was very confident that i can do very well.
but after the exams. i felt like crap. yes i wrote that in my previous entry.
so i got back my paper.
and i failed.

ever since i was young. i had the impression that i was smart enough to do well for my studies. if i studied hard enough. so i attibuted my poor performance since young as lazy.
ego. confidence. in control.

this terms dashed everything.
no. i am not in control.
i am not as smart as i thought i was.
i am not in control.

i was worried that my parents would use terms to pressure me to quit choir.
so after getting back my math results there was lots of things running through my mind..
confused. angry. worried. upset. disappointed.

*jesus take the wheel, take it from my hand..*

i was walking towards the sports com for sectionals. acsi junior was having sports day in our school, and they were playing this song through the speaker.

i almost broke down. but there were other people around me. so i looked for a quiet corner.
and i cried.

(jesus take the wheel, take it from my hand, cause i cant do this all my own. )
(i cant do this all my own)
(jesus take the wheel)

all that struggle to control my own life.
the believe that its wat i do that matters.
the song shook me, and brought me back to God.

clement sent me the song again that night.
and the song brought me down again.

so much personal ego.
so much desire for control.
but only God is in control.
only Him.

i've been touched ever since.
*jesus take the wheel*

Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this on my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
To save me from this road I'm on
Oh, Jesus take the wheel
Oh, I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
Save me from this road I'm onFrom this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel
Oh, take it, take it from me
Oh, why, oh

2006-03-26T04:58:00.000-08:00

2006-03-23T04:58:00.000-08:00

i hate the fact that hardwork doesnt equate to results all the time.
and i just screwed up an easy math paper even though i studied like crazy for it.
just because i didnt notice very stupid things that cost me 11 marks. and more here and there.
and i even hate the fact that i probably twice the amount of work compared to half of the people who fared better than me in this paper. (just a guess)
its just exasperating at times.
and i cant stand it.
but what can i do?
sigh..

2006-03-17T05:16:00.000-08:00

i love my mom Limmy.
always a role model, a figure of authority for me.
always there to listen to my problems. to provide wonderful advice.
being special by being her. indeed.

i love my children frances. jontang and deb.
ever supportive, ever loving.
never fails to put a smile on my face.

i love my uncle joel and my aunt nad. (they are not a couple mind u)
wonderful God loving people who never fails to amaze me that there are such good people around.
yes, like what limmy said, its hard to imagine so much goodness in one person in a world like this.

i love my the other half.
always there to support and to encourage.
the love she shares with dan, is the testimony of true love and courage.

i love my two sisters and a daughter in church. pris. nianci and michelle.
wonderful people who are always there to care for me, support me, help me.

i love the two sisters i had back in jurong. jye yiing my classmate and yanli my junior.
bringing so much joy to me. just by being themselves.
appreciating me for who i am and listening to me at times.

some people say its rather childish and immature to play such "family game"
some say its unmanly.

i say. who cares?

God placed such wonderful people in my lives.
and many others too..

i dun mind being immature and childish.
and if its 'unmanly' in the world context,
so be it.
at least i love and cherish them in this manner.
so who cares about what they think.

anyways. to all out there,
thank you for being who you are.
cause you are so wonderful. =)

2006-03-01T06:41:00.000-08:00

yes. first march. a day of joy for some, and a day for a day of sorrow for others..
a levels results.
alongside with it. we j2 received our mother tongue results.
i took chinese a, but i had to go for the paper too as i didnt take HMT in secondary school.
my grade: B3 merit for oral.
*sigh*
happy? contented?
far from it i guess.
even before i received my results i have decided to remain cool no matter what happened.
i thought i did pretty ok.
but when i got my results back, i was shocked.
i tried so hard to hide my disappointment, but i was shocked.
prehaps b3 is a very good score already to many. ppl were screaming and crying because they passed.
but. taking chi a, there is a certain expectation for me. expectations i had for my self. and expectations from other people.
coming from a chinese speaking environment and background, the result wasnt really something to celebrate abt for me.
the worst thing was that i got a merit for oral.
yes merit.
prehaps the first in my years of education.
a slap in the face. straight on.
i almost died.
to me its equivalent to failing a subject in A lvls.
How bad can it go?

i really wanted to share with someone my disappointment, but everyone around me was celebrating. i cant bear to burden them with my own disappointment. i had to put on a happy face, pretend to be ok but deep down i am very affected. Right now i am still waiting for a promised phone call that hasnt come. it probably wouldnt.

it isnt very comforting when someone comes up to me and say, "i thought u chinese a one how come i fare better than u? "
it isnt very comforting to know that my grades werent comparable to those whom i thought my standard where higher in comparism.
it isnt very comforting for my chinese A teacher to come and tell me. see. i told you your standard is there only. you should buck up.
it isnt very comforting to see friends from chinese A scoring much better than i did. but at least this friend saw my disappointment and made a point to show that she cared. thanks ying ling.

the costly lesson that God taught me.

1) humility. don't always thing that you are very good. you arent.
2) buck up. if you don't start studying you won't make it.
3) you can make it if you work hard enough!

after collecting the results i went to watch the giving out of results. and so many choir seniors obtained full distinctions. and i was inspired to work even harder.

prehaps getting b3 is good after all.
prehaps.

drawing strenght from the Lord...

2006-02-25T07:35:00.000-08:00

The girl fallen terribly ill. fever up to 39.3 degrees.
The guy, himself stricken with illness.. body weaken by treatment.. came in the night.. along with him a few simple dishes he prepared for her.. still warm.. layed out nicely in the bowl.
That is love.
Yes. cancer.death. something that might seperate them in future.
Yes. love. indeed. amazing.
To cherish what is given in the present moment..
To loved and be loved.

2006-02-19T07:17:00.000-08:00

the past week has been crazy. so many things happened. so many events. Too many things to pen down. nvm. One by one.

fun-o-rama

fun-o-rama day itself was really crazy. I had to worked throughout the whole day with little break cause I was sort of the rosti man. Cooked whole day. Braved the winds and the sun and the rain. The food took super long to cook in the beginning and we lost a lot of costumers. The heavy rain was the ultimate. It disabled one of our stove and reduced the number of costumers to zero. But. We never gave up. We just kept cooking. And business picked up after that! But its was too late. We had to throw away quite a number of food and hundreds of unused plates and cups and forks left. Tiring. Crazy. But fun.

much kudos to many of my classmates. ppl who made funorama so special for me.
Marilyn and qing yi. Who had to oversee so many things regarding the food stall. once every few min someone had to call marilyn to ask her something. Things wouldn't have worked out without them. Ian for all his drawings and designs and his natural cuteness that brought much joy and laughter. Cheryl and Chris. ppl who probably never stepped into the kitchen to cook in their life time, but for the sake of funorama and the class, put in so much effort cooking. Peeling potato.. Grating them.. And also many many others.. All those who worked in the food stall.. Thanks!

my friends and I have been having quite a lot of talks abt religion and church related stuff.. haha. We really learn a lot from each other and well.. There are many things we can do!

oh juniors. Sigh. So much to talk abt...
leave it to the next entry.. Meanwhile shall go slp!
bye..

2006-02-04T06:39:00.000-08:00

what more can i ask.
when i have a friend encouraging me when i was so disappointed with myself.
what more can i ask.
to have a rather fun and wonderful day of rehearsal at choir.
to have a short but fun time eating steamboat with my church friends.
to find my bowtie which had free stay in fullerton hotel.
and friends to share my joy when i found it.
to enjoy one minute of wonderful fireworks at close distance.

it has been a wonderful day. =)

2006-01-25T05:04:00.000-08:00

Friends hinders the process of making friends.
the product hinders process.
ironic?

maybe not.

my gp/pccg teacher once said that we should refrain from sticking to our usual friends during gp lessons all the time because it limits what we are exposed to. Same viewpoint. Same argument. Your scope becomes very narrow.

it applies to life too.

indeed. (as my arts math teacher's fave word goes)

I guess there are occasions where I wanted to bring my friendship with some people to a higher level, or in some other cases to revive to what is used to be.

but I realized I cant.

why?

cause. Their friends are too good. Spoil market, or so to say. haha.
well. Its just that they have such good friends themselves, and they are so close with them that there is just too little opportunities to upgrade our friendships. Or so to say.

but yet. if our friendships advances to a higher level, it denies others a chance to do the same, both to you and your friend.

confused confused. oh well.

well. anyways. Comfort zone. Who is always that willing to step out of it?

not me. I dun want to step out of my comfort zone all the time too. So I cant expect that from others.

"boundaries do not keep people out. They fence you in. You can spend your life drawing lines, or you can spend your life crossing them."

there are times we have to chose the right over the easy.
stepping out of my comfort zone is one example.

(I just stepped out of my room and I heard this phrase over the TV.)
(I will attempt to paraphrase)

"life is full trials and tribulations. These are things we cannot avoid nor can we determine the outcome. The only thing we can do is to face them courageously and to cherish what we have now."

indeed. (hah. I just love to use that word)

*well. Our friendship can probably never return to what it used to be. Probably never. But since there is nothing I can do to alter the outcome, the only thing I can do is to cherish. Yes cherish.*

2006-01-15T06:09:00.000-08:00

I see a man.
someone I respect a lot.
struggling.
when he do not knows what lies in ahead.
Lord give him strength.
heal his pain.
give him hope.
I cannot see Your plan.
I don't know why things are going the way they are.
but there is nothing but to trust in You Lord.
give him strength.
I beg you.
strength to people around him.
so that we may all go through this together.

Lord hear my prayer for my little family,
the dearest friends I have in choir.

that you give strength to those who need them.
that you give hope to those who need them.
you give knowledge to those who need them.
you give peace to those who need them.
you give courage to those who need them.

Lord I pray not for a smooth journey in the years ahead. But that we will come together no matter what happens and deal with them together. So that we can all grow and mature, as you wish Lord.

Amen.

"I had a promise with you.
a promise that lasts forever.
with the rainbow as our witness,
it wouldn't change.
I want to sing for joy.
to rejoice for life.
creatures on earth sings of your love.
and the world proclaims your grace."

2006-01-02T09:31:00.000-08:00

time flies. really.

it seemed just a moment ago when jie and i were still throwing sparklers into the pond. soon, she is getting married.

it seemed just a moment ago when me and yanli were still burning midnight oil with each other to complete hw. now she is taking her o lvls, and me, a lvls.

it seemed a just a moment ago when we and jonathan were still fighting water battles in class and ambushing anyone who go past that dangerous corner.

it seemed just a moment ago when me and alex were bickering in class. suaning each other. a photo of him carrying a baby now makes him look so fatherly.

it seemed just a moment ago when we were still fighting childish wars and were having immature discriminations, and i was a useless zuo bo peace keeping president. now everyone is in different schools.

it seemed just a moment ago when we were piaing hw in mac and eating lunch at the market. 3 dollar chicken rice add rice. yes. now, its market isnt even there anymore.

it seemed just like a monent ago when we were still playing basket ball none stop. the trainings.. the wonderful jersey. so called. =)

it seemed just like a moment ago when me and jonathan went to the drain to catch tadpoles.

it seemed just like a moment ago..
yes. seemed.
now. we are have all been scattered around. leading our lives. growing up. making new friends.
the transformation of lives as time goes by is certainly amazing. looking through photos of friends from friendster and see how they've changed.
-wow-
amazing. indeed. amazing.

i have to give credit to my 4/4 mates. people whom i spent my last two years in jurong. who fought the o lvls with me.

i must say our little class isnt all out exciting.
itsnt all out wonderful. nice and beautiful.
it isnt fascinating all the time.
and there isnt good times like all the time.
but. yes but.
it is still my class after all. the class i spent two years with. grew with. fought with. made friends. been through ups and downs.
but it is after all our class. our memories. our legacy. and every bit of it. good or bad, is precious to me.
it is something that no one can remove or deny. neither is it something that anyone can try to replicate.
its one and only. yes.
one and only.

to all 4/4 mate. i thank you.
for the friendships.
for the good times.
for the bad times.
for the fun times.
for the unbearble times.
for the laughter.
for the quarrels.

every bit of memory. every friendship forged. every lesson learnt. i thank you. i cherish them.
from the bottom of my heart. i wish you the very best, in whatever you do, wherever you are.
may God bless you richly and all the best for your future endevours.

p.s i have some photos so those who want can get from me. =)

a rather familar tune ran through my mind. prehaps something that mean a lot to us fourfourians. it goes like this..

"you are my sunshine, my only sunshine .
you make me happy, when skies are grey.
you never know dear, how much i love you.
please dun take my sunshine away."

-wonderful music sang by mr ching-

2005-12-31T07:21:00.000-08:00

its about fourty minutes away from year 2006. well. i guess i would consider it a rather life changing event i would say. something that happened in church. let me share with everyone reading..

ever year on the eve of new year we have this program in church to welcome and prepare us for the new year. this year, the theme was to give thanks for everything God has done and provided this year, and so seek forgiveness for sins we have done so that we can welcome the new year with a light heart.

well.. at this part where we are suppose to seek forgiveness, we were given a piece of red paper to write down some of the wrong things we have done. sins we want to confess to God and seek for his forgiveness. then there is this big bucket of red water, which is used to symbolise God's blood.. how he died for us to redeem our sins, and that we will be forgiven if we come to him to confess.

well.. i was indecisive.. should i write? what if someone sees and look down on me next time? nonetheless, i wrote down the sins i have committed.. and quickely covered it up. so everyone.. one by one. took the card and put in the bucket of red water, a sign to leave everything to God.
as i put the card into the bucket and saw the card immerse into the water, i was overwhelmed with emotions. i went back to my seat, and i prayed and i teared. i pray and i teared. i pray and i teared.

i saw how everyone put their card into the bucket. everyone. putting their sins to God. i thought of how God who is so great so wonderful and so almighty, yet use his blood to save us. i cried because i felt i have let Him down. i have sinned. on one hand it was the shame and the guilt of the sins i have committed. the things where u hope no one will ever no u commit. the kind u shy away in shame. yet on the other hand it was the almighty. who took my sins away. i felt so weak. so exposed in front of God. and wow. he is willing to forgive whatever i have done! i was just overwhelmed by all these. i just couldnt control myself.

it changed my perspective. my actions ( i m sure it will).. everything.
it was sort of a life changing experience for me. renewing me for the new year ahead.

that aside. i felt really bad for making my tuition teacher angry. cause i ponned tuition again. my fault actually. its like the third time i messed up her timing.. and she was really angry. sigh. i seek forgiveness. from her and from God.

anyways. i m determined to make the coming year ahead different. =)
happy new year. and have a blessed year ahead..

2005-12-26T07:09:00.000-08:00

yet another wonderful christmas.
yes. christmas stayover. an annual event among close friends in church since 4 years ago. and this year we had the stayover at my house! well, i was a pretty good host ok. i was the cook, the maid, the nanny, the morning call, everything! dinner was crazy. haha. even though i was so only cooking instant noodle and frying stuff, having to cook for so many people is a crazy event. bet i lost a kg or two.haha. then there we went to watch the chronicles at 12:40 which ended at 3 am. coming back to my house. the 14 strong crowd went on to watch another movie, which many fell asleep before the show ends. well, the secondary 4 students went to sleep after playing cards and had problems waking up. my friend and i were the only two who stayed up throughout the night. slept aat 12pm when they left and woke at 6 to have dinner, before sleeping again to wake up at 1030. so now i am wide awake, biological clock completely turned upside down. sore throat in the way, and oh well. =)
fun fun fun.

oh well, that aside. i guess i have decided to drop physics. the people supporting the drop feels that i can concentrate on my 3 subs and score well. those against felt that 4 sub is, in a kiasu way, better after all and i get to chose more subjects in uni. however, i noe i can score better without physics in the way, and i have no interest to do a sci discipline subject in uni. right now, i just need to comfirm my decision.
oh well, either way, i have to work hard. which i will. hopefully.

2005-12-23T18:23:00.000-08:00

"Its not the critic who counts: not the man who
points out how the strong man stumbles or when the doer of deeds could have
done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena,
whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who
errs and comes up short again and again.. Who spends himself in a worthy cause;
who at best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high acheivement, and who at
worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring
greatly..."

-Theodore Roosevelt
Reading this quote, the first thing that came to my mind was caroling. yes. caroling that ended yesterday. The caroling season have been a hectic one, and well, we have been through the spectrum from the best experience to the worst experience. Let me explain why the quote reminded me of caroling.
Its not the critic that counts.

How true. The teacher always reminded us, that our performances should not be determined by the reponse of the audience, but it's always a standard that we set for ourselves, and its always for God, cause we sing for his glory, and we sing to spread the joy of his coming.
The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred with by dust and sweat, who strives valiantly...

Well, the caroling season wasn't a smooth sailing one. It was tiring, so much to learn and improve after every performance and its physically and mentally demanding. Be it fatigue, sickness, or things that disappoint or affect us, we rose above them and strives with the determination to make the next performance better.
who errs and comes up short again and again.

we have been rather inconsistent actually. Not a very good thing actually, but everything after we make a mistake, we strives to make sure we improve on it the next performance, be it vocal techniques, performing, that particular phrasing, pitch. We tried to improve every performance.
who spends himself in a worthy cause.

caroling is a worthy cause. We sing for God! Share the joy of Christ coming through music. We perform well so that our future generations can sing in the same place in future. We sing to achieve the standards we set for ourselves.
who at best, knows in the end, the triumph of high achievement..

well, we know it when we had a good performance. The electrifying experience. The times we have to hold back our tears when singing cause the meaning of the song touches us deep into our hearts. The times where we know we have bonded so much as a team. To know and understand the true meaning of friendship. The love, the joy, its something no one can understand unless they have been through the same experience as we did, which is impossible. The tears of joy and satisfaction, reviewing our steps right from day one. Everything. That is the triumph of high achievement.
who at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly..

yes. Silently night. The worst performance experience we have. Which madam said was the scariest moment of her conducting experience. The song where we went completely off pitch, the who choir is singing in a dozen different pitches. Yes, that happened during a performance. We sounded ok during rehearsal, and madam decided to give the song a try. Apparently, we failed. But, we did not fall apart, we pretended that nothing was wrong, held on, stand firm, smile, and sing. And like the sir said, the good Lord gave us the b flat for us to end the song nicely. It was perhaps the worst in choir history. But we failed while daring greatly, and never throughout that whole performance did we give up or let go
see what i mean? yes. merry christmas to all. =)

2005-12-10T03:55:00.000-08:00

baa.. i think my entries are too sad. haha. and sometimes it worries people. well. dun worry! i will probably be fine a few hours after any blog entries. i am a big boy and there is no need for anyone to baby me.
i am perfectly fine now! fine fine fine fine fine. just a little sick. but i am sure i will be fine soon! really!
today's rehearsal was good. mrs chew came back and taught us more. giving us a better understanding of different genre of music. and how we should sing them. and ms toh was learning conducting! its was fun and great!
well. today is of the times where the choir is reminded of how fortunate they are. having generations and generations of people returning to carry forward the musicking legacy. its always about giving back. therefore i dun like people who shortchanges choir for their own fun and enjoyment. bad bad bad.
well. carolling season is coming. its time to grow grow grow!!! have fun. sing. bond. share the music. haha. fun fun fun. =)
so yup thats all folks! do enjoy wadever holidays left. =)

2005-12-09T04:19:00.000-08:00

a few hours after the previous entry, someone forced me to call and half scolded me for misintepreting her. scold, persuade, explain for almost an hour to make sure i dun feel lousy. =)
well. so i was doing great.
went to church camp. had fun. lots of fun. and it so happened that the message of day 1 was about self esteem. the speaker was sharing his experience of how God made use of the things he detest most in him to serve him. wonderful wonderful wonderful. =)
at night, we went to the roof to star gaze. saw shooting stars! whee.. it was just beautiful. to lie down. and gaze at the stars above, the night breeze blowing lightly on ur face. =)
well. so i left camp the next day, faith and confidence renewed, but,
with a heavy heart.
well. i could have stayed till night of day two, cause choir rehearsal is only on sat morning. but i felt i needed the rest. to settle down mentally, physically, and emotionally if any left. choir is now top piority for me, and i must make sure that i am in my best condition. tip top form. i know that if i were to stay till the night, i would lose more resting time. and become more tired because of all the games and all the fun. in my position, i cannot afford to compromise choir now.
well. of course my friends wanted me to stay. but i was clear and firm in my decision. i know wad i have to do.
at this point wad i needed most, was understanding, care and support from friends.
well. i had this really really good friend in church. someone i cared most, respect most. loved most. someone who meant so much to me. yet, she was the only one, who did not understand, did not show any care. it hurts.
she thinks that i went home because i couldnt fit in with people in fellowship, and is finding excuse to shrink into my comfort zone. she thinks that i just want to run away. cause i couldnt really fit in fellowship, and didnt want to try. she talked to me in a -i give up on u, do wadever u want- manner. and when it comes from someone u cared so much. it hurts terribly.
well, is she knew everything that i have been through recently. if she knew wad choir means to me. if she knew more about me. she probably would thought otherwise. but there wasnt a chance to do so. she never gave me a chance to talk to her in a personal level. one to one. always busy. always mixing around. well. i cant talk about more personal stuff is ther are people around right?
i wouldnt say that my reasons for leaving are perfectly pure. a part of me wants to shrink in my comfort zone. to enjoy and relax. but it is definitely not the reason for me do leave camp early! i am quite sure i m not that immature to base my actions of pure impulse and emotions!
when other friends dun understand, they least they did was to show care and concern. and the attitude she showed, as someone so important to me, just hurts badly.

but well. i guess i just have to walk over. stay focus. do the right thing. i m past the emotional stage, and i guess. its time to learn from it.

2005-12-07T06:05:00.000-08:00

its surprising how people affects each other. someone's action affects another. and the latter affects another. and it goes on and on.
i guess this is one point of life when i feel really lousy.
i always thought that i should be there for my friends. all the time. no matter where. no matter when. when they are feeling down, i should be around them. to cheer them up. to share their pain.
so matter how hard or trying things can be. i go on. cause to me thats wad friendship is all about. being there for one another. supporting one another. so at times, even when i feel like going down,i go on.
it was the belief that it was worth it. the trust that the things i go through can help them.
yet.
incidents after incidents. i am presented the cruel fact insignificant my care and concern can be. and it undermines everything i worked so hard for. and the things i believed in.
a whole pear cannot replace a slice of orange. that is prehaps something i will not forget for life.
time and time. i see how worthless my words can be by the very fact that i am not peoples' source of joy and comfort. a short conversation from the right person defeats scores of hours i spent trying to cheer the person up.
how can i go on when the very foundation of my friendship is shaken? some times i just feel like telling people. go away. i have nothing to offer. i cant make u smile nor bring u joy. my everthing is pale in comparison to others' something.
i need a break. to return to God. to church friends. to renew my strenght.
and to remember that i loved because he first loved us.
when going gets tough.

2005-11-23T07:06:00.000-08:00

just reached home after watching harry potter, seven dollars well spent i guess. good grahpics.. thrilling scenes.. beautiful girls (hehheh).. and most importantly, i walked out being assured once again.
well. this show showed prehaps many of the things we experience in life. problems of friendships. distrust. relationships. not daring to confess our feelings. not daring to show the true side of us. putting a false front at times... like saying that we dunch wanting someone's company but actually we wanted it terribly.
trials. like the competition. prehaps not that life threatening. but too times where we are challanged. unexpectedly. where we have to compromise wad we want. make decisions. just like harry deciding who to save under the water. to save his friend or to get the trophy.
these are things that we have to face again and again in life.
decision decision decision.
well. but throughout the show, harry showed the true meaning of friendship. of courage. of determination (of course).

friendship.
about not leaving anyone behind. doing everything..even at the expense his own life.

courage and determination.
despit knowing that he have little chance against the evil lord, he fought with courage and determination. not giving up without a fight. not saying no. not surrendering.

the trials and tribulation have not only failed to corrupt him but furthur brought forth his determination to do the right thing.

yes. i noe there are people around me who are going through their bad patch of life. i had my fair share too. there are times where we have no clue wad to do next. sometimes we question overselves. we waver at the decisions made. we doubt our capabilities. we thought of giving up.

yes. giving up.

i brought home with me this phrase.

difficult times lie ahead.
there will be time where we have to make a decision between the right way or the easy way.
but your friends are here.
you are never alone.

(well.. something like that. i do not possess photograhpic memory)

yes. indeed. how true. to all those out there. facing their difficult moments. making decisions. you are never alone . for i am with u too. as the lord is with all of us.

never alone.

2005-11-18T05:45:00.000-08:00

was wondering why there were so few choir ppl online. then remembered that most are out.. movie.. shopping trips.. etc. having fun.

well. ben stayed over my hse yesterday. and its really bad for us to go out together, cause we really spend tooooooo much. nv spend so much time in such a short period of time doing stupid things. haha. anyways i m too ashamed to admit how much we spend, but i have to really selfground these few days.

anyways it was rather fun, we stayed up late.. dling songs.. watching choir photos.. chatting online, feasted like kings.

and we went to play pool with a few other ppl too. limin, charissa, mark, vic, and we even had an ultimate sop sl vs tenor sl. it was a tie cause it took too long to end and we decide not to finish the game. but of course its not difficult to guess that the tenors were gentlemanly as usual and i m sure ben gave way slightly.. haha. =)

its fun. but really got to settle down and start working on some stuff..cant waste the whole hols like that right? probably have to look through scores again later to prepare for rehearsals tmr.
singing at kkmc, heard its a wonderful place to sing.. yay! its always a joy to sing.

so to anyone reading this.. enjoy ur hols! =)

2005-11-16T04:46:00.000-08:00

feeling much better today=)

muchth thanks to ben for trying to cheer me up today.. and mum for talking to me.. even though she didnt even noe i was in a bad mood.. and let me online waiting.. as usual =)

an attempt to organise swimming failed.. jontang is too tired after morning training.. joel wasnt sure if we were swimming and made plans to study in sch today.. ben needed to rest and practise the hymm.. steph got something on.. and minglong.. probably too lazy to even reply.. haha..
but i went swimming instead.. in the rain..
yes yes
i noe i shdnt do that.. but the rain came suddenly..
i went for a jog when i thought that the rain has stopped. but when i started running it started to drizzle again.. and it began to pour. i was determined to finish at least one round (which is 1.2km only) and continued despite the heavy downpour and finished in a very slow 6 plus min timing. the rain was simply too heavy for me to continue.
it kinda affected my throat a little. all the panting in the cold wind and rain. but i will be fine after a good rest.
have been listening to lots of song recently.. and am simply in love with il divo's o holy night.. simply lovely and wonderful. its a must hear.
oh.. i have been listening to blue moon too..
but its.. at its worst! =) u nv noe how bad it can be till you heard it.. haha..
yes. its another an eventful day. wonderful hols. its time to start working soon though.. =)
so till then.. i shall enjoy the wonderful version of o holy night..
by il divo..

2005-11-15T05:39:00.000-08:00

trying really hard not to fall into the depressed mood these few days. maybe mum is right.. exposing myself to all the negative emotions by my friends has taken its toll on me.. and i m trying really hard not to slip back into those bad days.. was sitting at the bleachers after choir today.. and just felt sad.. ok.. no really that bad.. bleachers is a wonderful place nonetheless.

well.. seriously have no idea wad i m upset abt.. no bgr to worry abt.. no exams.. its shd be fun! but i m not really fully into the fun mood yet..

maybe its just my insecurities that is bugging me again.. i have always been insecure abt my friendships since a long time ago.. many times i often wonder how much i mean to my friends.. there are times i guess where someone means a lot to me.. and i really do everything i could to be the best possible friend.. but i am just someone of lesser importance to that individual.. no reason why.. just like that.. i just do not mean as much to that person as he or she is to me..

i wonder who realised that i was in a lousy mood today? who really bothered in the first place?

right.. i m suffering from the limmy syndrome..

i guess these are the times where i really qn myself if i shd really give all out to really be the best i could.. as a friend of course..

and its not just friendship.. its applies in singing.. in studies.. no matter how hard i work.. i am not comparable to someone.. it fustrates me to noe that equivalent trade does not apply in life. why bother working for them then?

i noe that is of course the wrong attitude.. and anyone reading this.. the rare few.. dun worry.. i will be fine soon.. promise.. too much to do an improve to wallow in self pity.

there are many other things that contribute to this bad mood.. for one, bad hair day.. i went to get a hair cut.. and walked out looking like a punk who booked out from army.. *now whole lot of u pumping position down!*

my singing hasnt been really improving too.. i have been working too much on the wrong techniques and i just cant seem to get it right? and i have lots of trouble getting the jumps.. the fourths.. four and a half semi tone jumps.. and madam tries really hard to teach.. (thanks madam) its really irritating to noe ur mistakes but just cant get the right method and correct it.. carolling is round the corner and i dun feel that i have the capacity to perform well yet. everyone is excited abt the junior comming in.. but i dun feel that i have the skills to impart yet.. fustrating indeed..

but nonetheless.. like i've always said.. the tenors never give up..
never.
ever.

likewise.. i m just complaining.. tmr i would probably forget eveything and go around behaving like a retarded animal.. life is wonderful after all! =)

besides.. there are wonderful music.. there is this group called il divo which david charles introduced to me.. and they sound really good. i simply love the version they sang for o holy night.. it is simply heavenly when they resolve a chord near the ending.. *not sure if thats how u explain it..* its a must hear.

christmas is coming too! wonderful season.. carolling.. getting fitter.. presents.. outings.. stayovers.. yay yay! =)

bsides op is over! i can finally throw everything away.

so wad is my hols plan?

1) revision
2)clean and maybe rerenovate my room
3)sing and get fitter
4)exercise and lose weight *determined not to let those idotic teachers suan me next year*
5)play play play play play play

wonderful huh?! =)

oh well.. thats of course if i have time..
if.. =)

2005-11-06T05:03:00.000-08:00

sigh...
after struggling for quite a few days.. i have decided to blog.. have been in a lazing around mood.. dun really feel like blogging.. events that happens just flew past...
but i guess i dun really want this blog to die.. so i shall attempt to write some stuff down.
one thing i have been doing just now.. not really.. but trying to.. was to read mum's blog.. i guess its not difficult to guess why i used the word try.. cause once again... ONCE AGAIN.. i cant really understand what she is saying.. cant really comprehen what goes through her mind.. too complicated for a simple mind like mine.. the familar fustration of being unable to help her and share her woes surface once again.. she is such a great friend.. someone who mean so much to me.. yet i cant help her.. feel quite useless.. but i guess the only thing i can give her.. and to other friends.. is my support.. the very few things left that i can give.. to reciprocate so much that i have receive..
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ok.. choir.. a bunch of tenors stressed-up-but-refuse-to-give-up-tenors. the fact that we lack in numbers.. the challenging high notes.. and our quite lousy singing.. has its effect on us.. madam have been demanding for exponential growth.. and sometimes its really difficult..
but hello! u are talking abt the tenors here for goodness sake.. we dun give up that easily... cheering each other on.. helping and supporting each other.. in our attempt to change our image we have change our cheer.. using both hands instead of pinkie and shouting why wait in the coolest manner. we'll muddle through some how.. =)
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had a casual outing at deb's hse.. watching movie.. chasing the ice cream man so that we can eat ice cream and the wonderful mee siam her mum cooked.. playing piano, guitar.. singing.. playing cards and fooling around with a deflated mini basket ball.. then we had dinner at jp.. pizza hut and was chatting at our fav hang out coffee bean! it was great and we had a really fun time..
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the heat is on.. op op op op op.. i am still a little lazy.. but really gotta work on everything.. double up!
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i just saw stephen's friendster's pic.. ACT COOL! wa liew.. that flirt.. who u trying to attract now huh.. hur hur.. just kidding..
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ok.. i m am lazy. shant type anymore.. sec 4s.. j2.. all the best for ur exams! u can do it!
till then.. see ya!=)

2005-10-21T07:12:00.000-07:00

gotten back my promos today.. what shd i say? its not good definitely.. no As no Bs.. but i noe there are ppl who didnt do quite well.. so i guess i shd be contented.. considering that my revision was a last min one.. i got ccdf.. and c6 for gp.. roight.. wads the f? no doubt physics..
well.. i cleared the promoting bar.. but failed the four sub bar.. i have to decide whether to drop physics or my chi.. or wad the sch allows me to.. gotta talk to teachers.. parents.. blah blah blah.. decision making.. oh well.. sigh..
thank God nonetheless.. i noe i dont deserve these marks.. greatful..
i am very disappointed with my results for physical geo.. i spent the most time studying it.. thought i fared really well for the paper.. but in the end i barely passed.. efforts not paid off afterall.. my passion.. yet i cant even do well for the paper.. sigh..
despite the mixed feeling aft the release of the results.. the excitment of open hse tmr.. i went back jurong today! saw mrs tong.. some of her little monkeys.. and hang around a bit.. and i saw my xiao mei jye yiing! haha.. its great to see her after so long.. like ever since getting back o lvl results? she has changed completely! i was shocked.. couldnt believe it.. she looked almost the same.. but her character.. is like.. pan4 luo4 niang3 ren2.. from her usually shy shy character to talkative.. hyper.. crazy.. laughing like mad.. and evil............................... haha.. great to see her again.. it never fails to amaze me how ppl can change over time.. and seeing these wonderful ppl in my live just cheers me up.. and puts a smile on my face..
i guess i kinda understood.. friends are there for each other.. they are meant to be there for each other.. to support.. to cheer.. to encourage.. the angels of our lives..
so friends.. whenever u need someone.. just find me! i m always there..
no matter wad it is.. be it bad promo results.. quarrel with friends.. out of love.. i will always be there for u.. so cheers..
always remember.. with christ in the vessel we can smile at the storm.. smile even at the face of death..

2005-10-19T06:14:00.000-07:00

ignorance is bliss.. dun u agree? =) so times we wish that our friends would share their secrets with us.. and our curosity often drives us to question and question.. but now i noe.. ignorance is bliss.. it isnt really good to noe somethings after all.. sometimes u dun really noe how to react after knowing some stuff.. or knowing sometimes bring more pain than joy.. right?
so dun blame me if i dun want to take part in truth or truth in future.. its not that i didnt want to share.. but i just dun want to noe.. but if friends want me to share their there secrects..
i m still there..
as always..

oh..
i love singing.. even though i am not like very good at it.. its just wondeful to see how the notes.. the different voice combines together in harmony.. wondeful isnt it? of course.. in the journey of music making.. it isnt smooth sailing all time.. and sometimes being in choir meant that there are many things that we have to give up.. but i guess its worth it.. right?

passion*integrity*love

*why wait?*

2005-10-17T17:12:00.000-07:00

roight..
it has been a month since i have blogged..
exactly one month..
since i am in the imac lab without the pw mood.. i shall blog.. =)
wad shd i talk abt? dunno..
ok.. maybe lets start with promos..
promos is terrible.. at least for me..
i am praying hard that i can make to j2.. keeping 4 sub will be an icing on the cake..
i definitely failed physics.. so maybe by next year i will be a scicer without a science..
so after turning one big round i m back to square one.. ^^
the only subject that i hope to get a decent subject is geo.. hopefully.. human geo is quite bad.. but phy geo is okiez..in fact the best paper i've done..
talking abt geo.. NO MORE BINTAN TRIP!!!BOOHOO.. all the geo team ppl pang seh.. roight..liars who cheat my feelings.. thanks ar..
anyway.. its great to visit my blog all the time.. not that i m boasting.. but its the pictures on top that makes it so special to me.. looking at those photos makes me feel so loved.it kinds of serve as a reminder that no matter what.. i will have my friends supporting me.. that these ppl do love me.. and its only right to reciprocate the love with my very own..
sigh.. i miss my jurong friends.. i love ac.. the friends here.. esp choir.. but sometimes..i feel that this is not where i have come from afterall. i have always grown up in a chi speaking environment.. where ppl hang around in the neighbourhood.. play basketball and stuff.. the heartlanders u would call.. ac seems like a different world.. its great.. but its just different.. not my "hometown" i think.. whenever i see my jurong friends we will just go crazy and i will speak as much chinese as i want.. yay! haha..
ac games was fun.. but i was very irritated with the referees making really bad decisions that made us to lose! we are not sore losers btw.. and winning isnt everything to use.. but it kind of piss me off when ppl shortchanged us of what we deserve.. anyway.. its over.. we got second for fresbie and the finals was a good game..it good that everything ended on a good note.. three cheers!
PW!! I should really start working.. but.. ai ya.. who cares.. blah blah.. going swimming later.. till then.. see ya..

2005-09-18T06:23:00.000-07:00

yesterday was a day of nostalgic and crazy moments. the fellowship activity of the day was a trip to chinese garden to enjoy the bonds of fellowship while enjoying the beautiful lanterns around.. i felt rather lazy and was rather reluctant to go.. but went anyway when my clique friends wanted me to go.. couldnt reject my jie anyway.. walking down the path in chinese garden, i vividly remember the scenes almost 5 yrs ago when the previous fellowship organised an outing there too... looking back now, time really flies. it seems just days ago where we were a bunch of small little kids.. always having so much fun.. so little to worry abt.. and so innocent and immature.. now.. we are a a bunch of growing grown ups.. matured.. yet we can see the worries and troubles disturbing us at times.. relationships.. studies.. things that seemed so simple in the past is full of complexity at this very moment.. it good to be a kid afterall. ^^

anyway.. had lots and lots of fun yesterday.. went for the bumper ride.. this crazy turning thing which i have no idea of its name.. and a ducky ride down the lake of chinese garden. had lots of fun..

promos is draw near.. my revision is still going at a snail pace.. but hopfully things will pace up soon.. really got to focus.. must do well.. cannot disappoint people who had high hopes on me.. must get to do geo s paper.. must do well..

so we shall see..

2005-09-14T06:15:00.000-07:00

promos comming in like.. how many days? around 20 i guess.. die die die die die.. haven started revision.. not much time left.. super lots to cover.. have been slacking a lot.. super lot.. die die.. hm.. ok..

okok.. after this entry.. i shall embark on a super revision.. and prepare for the final burst for prelim.. preparing fuel.. initiating launch sequence.. 10....9..8..7..6..5..4..3..2..1..

TAKE OFF!!!!!!!!!!!

2005-09-09T07:43:00.000-07:00

acjc choir.. best is yet to be.. oh yea..

today's performance was just super fabulous.. great.. fantastic.. the feeling is just electrifying.. u wun noe it unless u are there for urself.. and u are there performing..

gotta admit.. the place is good for singing.. however.. we just give our best.. kang ding.. give me your hand.. every song just touches our heart to the very core.. we sang our hearts out.. yes.. although there are glitches here and there.. but it was just superb.. comparable to prague churches performance.. if only we sang kas tie tadi.. it would be the ultimate.. woo hoo!!

yupyup.. like was limin says.. we are really glad to be part of this ac choir family.. the feeling.. this joy. .this bond.. is something we can never get it elsewhere.. and i will never exchange anything for it.. never..

there is so much more room to grow.. so many more performance.. so many things to experience as a batch..

like what david says.. why wait? oh yea! let do it people! lets grow.. lets sing.. let do it together! let go ac lets go!

2005-09-08T04:10:00.000-07:00

sigh..

lonely..

i feel so lonely....

the feeling of being all alone at home is a rather terrible feeling.. parents went to malaysia.. bro is at army.. and i m the only poor lonely soul at home.. i mean there isnt even someone to talk to at home.. sigh..

then kinda remember.. thats how mum spends most of the time at home! i mean, dad is working.. i m studying in sch.. and bro is in the army.. my mum will be left all alone for half the day every single day! oh no.. must be really lonely.. hmm.. shd really go home early next time to keep my mum company! ^^

but i have been a real good boy.. i washed the plate.. did the laundry.. sorted my cds and floppy disks.. did a little of my work.. clean up the place a little.. yay!!

sigh.. lonely.. i m so lonely.. its gonna be another long day before my parents come home tmr.. sigh.. and till then.. i will be all alone......

2005-09-07T02:10:00.000-07:00

today was hell HELL HELL!!! urgh.....................................

waking up today was bad........

i remember having a real exciting dream.. gun battle.. blar blar blar...

and the first thing i open my eyes.. my world is spinning like mad..and it wun stop.. turning round and round and round and round......

it kinda wun go off even after an hr or so.. vomitted a little once.. went to see the doc..

doc say virus affecting my inner ear.. causing imbalance..etc etc.. got an injection to stop the giddiness.. and medicine in case it wun goes.. and vitamins for nerves..

cool..never heard of such vitamins..

went home. slept till 4.. woke up.. feeling real tired.. even now... sigh.. dun even have mood to play games.. thats how terrible..

and my parents just went malaysia this afternoon.. after taking me to see the doc.. dunnoe why.. just feel super lonely all alone at home..

feel terrible.. feel like crap.. urgh.................

2005-09-02T06:54:00.000-07:00

super bored.. lots of free time.. but the study mood hasnt really kicked in yet..

so here to kill some time off.. sigh..

oh well... today's performance was.. hmm interesting.. haha.. lots of screwed up parts here and here.. but we enjoyed the performance a lot.. the teachers and the audience too.. so.. yup.. its still a great experience..

tingen and glenn has forgiven me.. yay! cheers!

when they were angry with me.. i was feeling really bad.. and i started to reflect.. and i realise that i m always the one making my friends angry.. glenn.. ting en..jie.. charissa.. justin.. and many many more.. it's rather stupid to see urself making ur loved ones angry and upset again and again and again..

but thank God for great friends..

each and everyone of them never fails to forgive me.. to love me.. to accept me.. and to give me so much.. i watch as God placed so many great friends in my life..

in church.. i have jie... justin.. enci.. yong shun.. peixi.. shu chun.. the crusaderz clan.. i have yue jia as my mei too..

in secondary sch.. i have yan li and jye yiing as my mei.. ying jie as my partner.. not to forget evon.. nana and the kma gang.. the special topless jersey.. though i m not really part of them.. haha.. the stupid times where we fought water battle in the toilet and fooling around with the fire hose..

in ac.. i have my mum limmy.. my aunt nad.. my daughter frances.. my half a son biceps king.. hse bodyguard hengyi who wants to be my dad.. -_-ll haha.. not to mention the wonderful sc gang limin, charissa and ming yan.. wonderful friends who never fail to give me loads of support.. marky who is always so crazy.. vic my the other half.. so called.. the wonderful ac choir.. ahh .. tenor brothers! we rox.. oh yea.. haha..

(if i forgot abt u.. so sorry..)

and many many more.. those that came.. made an impact.. and left..

thank you for giving to the lord.. thank you for being my friend.. thank you for all the love and support.. it never fails to amaze u the power of love of friendship..

i cant belive there is no rehearsal tmr.. oh no.. how am i going to survive.. haha..

i guess there are time i m too interdependent on my friends.. that i sometimes i bug them too much.. forgetting that they have their own circle of friends and their own things to handle.. there are times when i want too much of their attention.. bad bad me.. haha.. by nonetheless.. im learning.. i m sure they will be understanding too.. too much of anything isnt good anyway..

haha.. remembered how me and jing ping was acting like two crazy drunkard when we were on our way home.. screaming and shouting and singing out of pitch.. ok.. its wasnt even singing.. and that crazy gal was saying bye to ppl on the bus.. -_-ll we suan usha throughout the whole journey and we just went bonkers..

choir ppl just roxs.. haha.. hopefully we didnt make too much a fool out of ourselves..

braces hurts.. and it makes me looks ugly.. sigh.. nvm.. two yrs.. endure!! until then i'll have to muddle through somehow.. sounds familar.. haha..

right! enough of crapping and crapping and crapping.. maybe i will try to work later.. hee... cya..

2005-08-26T07:45:00.000-07:00

just wanna add this to the previous blog.. no matter how irony..

you are my strenght when i am weak,
you are the treasure that i seek,
you are my all in all.

seeking you as a precious jewel,
Lord to give up i'll be a fool.
you are my all in all.

jesus, lamb of God,
worthy is ur name..

irony right..

the same person who babble so much abt christianity and morality hurt u so badly through his immoral acts..

sorry again? it cheapens the value of sorry.. but there is nothing i can do right?

No you don't know what it's like
To be hurt ..feel lost.. left out in the dark..kicked When you're down.. like you've been pushed
around. on the edge of breaking down And no one's there to save you

who says i dun noe wad it feels like.. i do.. really.. been through many things myself.. and i understand all these feelings as much as u do now..

sorry..

i dun noe if the rest are apologising as much as i did.. dun care.. but since i did the most damage.. i must apologise.. until u forgive.. and i will wait no matter how long..

meanwhile.. i will be praying for u..

2005-08-26T07:21:00.000-07:00

i feel bad.. terrible.. remorseful..

i guess i have been a lousy and real insensitive friend.. and worse.. a terible example of one that believes in the christian faith..

sorry glenn.. truely.. honestly.. really sorry..

u are right pal.. u did nothing to deserve it.. all these jacking.. jokes that simply spread like wildfire.. and here i m.. the main offender who deserved to be stoned for..

we have carelessly forgotten abt ur feelings when we were with our immature ways seeking cheap thrills..

never shd have.. at the expense of ur feelings..

if i had known..

wouldnt have done that.. never.. never to make a friend cry..

too late? maybe.. sorry..

yup.. i deserve the cold shoulder.. the f words that u hurl at my face..

but..

but.. i want to tell u that.. we maybe jacking u like mad.. but never.. never a time we failed to love u like a friend.. like a brother.. it sounds gay.. sound fake to u now.. but true.. and i promise u that from the bottom of my heart..

our childish and immature jokes are never because we dun like u.. not because u are out of place..

cause we still love u as a friend.. just forget to respect.. really hope u can brush aside ur anger and believe in wad i say..

sorry for hurting u.. sorry for making u feel lost.. sorry for leaving u out in the dark.. sorry for kicking u when u are down.. sorry for pushing u around.. sorry for causing u to be on the edge of breaking down..

n u noe wad.. i m not telling u all these cause i m afraid of losin my friends.. i m not saying all these to make me feel better..

but i care.. get in into ur half drown head..

f*** that's the first thing u will say after reading this..

u probably wun give a damm abt all these crap in here..

and probably its hard to return after the limit is crossed..

i cant do anything now.. but to sincerely beg.. and yes i use the word beg.. for ur forgiveness..

really hope that would feel better..

2005-08-24T19:40:00.000-07:00

yesterday was an anchor point of my life.. a day of change and new understanding...

charissa was sort of half scolding me yesterday.. why? cause i have been worrying too much.. not trusting enough and always keeping things to myself.. i m always worrying abt losing that my friends that results in me losing my friends.. stop wallowing in self pity!!!

i need to trust.. i need to share.. i need to worry less.. this words were like a big slap on my face.. hard and painful.. but it was a good slap.. a slap that shook me awake.. opened my eyes.. and really took me into a new perspective..

sorry..

well.. i m changed now! jusat gotta trust.. learn.. forgive me friends! i m a new me!

yay!! so look out for happy blogs.. no more unhappy blogs marky.. dun worry..

haha.. that's why charissa is such a great friend.. never fails or hesitate to point out my mistakes to me.. hard way or soft.. she will just just put it right in front of my face.. this ur mistake.. learn! change!

thanks sister..

looking back at the things i haven done and the things i have thought of, i found myself so childish.. immature.. and unmanly.. yuks..

but now i m THE MEN.. haha..

now.. i m leaving God to heal my friendships.. doing everything i have to in my part soon.. hopefully this period will end soon and i will step out becoming a better matured man..

without wax,

yihui

2005-08-24T06:07:00.000-07:00

thank God for good friends..

and thank God for great teachers..

yesterday i felt like a king.. wow.. mr cheeky saw me stoning at the bleachers that day and sms me and encouraged me.. asking me if i was ok and stuff.. wow.. big news ok.. normally i will be thankful that he doesnt call me mass movement or says that i add weight.. but he actually sms me to ecourage me ok.. even though i doenst enrich his life or increase his pay(as he always say)

haha.. thank u sir.. i m fine..

today was a significant day.. an anchor point of our tenor season.. the first time we performed as a j1 batch.. with an alumni helping us.. although our voice has lots more room to grow.. and our performance wasnt the best.. its was a credible performance and we all really trusted and give as much as we can in the section.. like wad ben said.. we are all really proud to be tenors..

tenors the rare breed...

anyway.. the whole world complains that my blog is too sad.. yar.. i think so too.. like hamstar says.. since friends are reading our blog.. we shd spread joy too! so yup.. i will write more happy entries in days to come..

yup yup..really really greatful for all the people around me.. the road would have been much tougher to travel without them..

without wax,

yihui

2005-08-22T07:01:00.000-07:00

indeed.. thank God for good friends..

i always tot few ppl read my blog.. yesterday night when i was abt to slp.. mr spiderman sent me two really good songs.. and encouraged me a lot.. reminding me that we are still really good brothers and there are indeed friendships.. and yuen kay.. even though as irritating as ever asked if i was feeling ok too..
in the middle of the night.. tired.. demoralised.. upset..
there came words of encouragment.. songs of encouragement.. acts of friendship and love.. i was almost touched to tears..
the next morning even the ever worrisome gloomy mr marky came to ask if i was ok..
really.. much thanks to tin tin.. yuen kay.. marky.. mum.. and many others.. thanks..

i noe i m such a disappointment.. cause i was upset again today.. seeing other ppl doing the same thing we used to do with my good friend.. this sentence sounds confusing.. but thats the main point.. if u noe who is it.. good.. if not nvm.. i guess i will never talk abt it again.. the person would never know tat i m expriencing these things anyway.. who the person care? i dunno.. who cares..

i spent almost an hour stoning at the bleachers.. thinking abt stuff.. memories.. sigh.. saw 4 guys training ultimate freesbie.. and it reminded me abt friends.. how sometimes it is almost at reach.. just within my grasp.. so close.. yet at the crucial moment it deflected and missed it by inches...
so close..
yet so far...

my heart fills with memories of the past.. prehaps there shdnt be any in the first place.. to spare me of the heartache i experience now..

sigh.. shd any one be reading this.. dun worry abt me.. i m perfectly fine.. just trying to complain abt childish and immature stuff.. i m a selfish person.. worrying for others and yet refuses to allow others to worry abt me.. so please dun.. but thanks nonetheless..

i believe i will soon climb up of this pit of sorrow.. energised and strenghtened to brace for the new challanges ahead.. i m a survivor.. and i will survivor..

cheers..

without wax,
yihui

2005-08-21T06:24:00.000-07:00

i felt really demoralised abt friendships a few days ago..

recalling....

there are so many times when i made really really good friends.. those we pledge never to forget.. that we promised to do everything to keep our friendships the closest and the best.. and yet most of the times friendships are lost as time goes by.. not really lost.. but just that people are no longer close to each other.. they have new friends.. they are no longer close to me.. i no longer share those great bonds with them anymore..

is there really no friendship tat is forever?! must friendships that i have worked so hard for to forged come to a naught?! tell me!!!

that was the thought that was running in my mind.. as memories of good times with old friends flash across my mind..

i m still thinking abt it now too.. looking at those pics at my blog.. these friends that i have.. am i going to lose them someday too? if so, why work so hard to be the best friend i can be?

sigh...

i guess if i dun even take the step of faith.. i wun have friends to start with.. what more memories to speak about? its nobody's fault if my friends are no longer close to me.. not mine not theirs.. the only thing i can do is to walk on and continue to be the best friend i can be to those around me.. even if they might harm me.. upset me in the future..

sigh.. why m i feeling so sad..

anyway.. really proud of these two choir guys.. we were at coffee bean with mum and were chatting.. then someone posted the qn: if there are only j1 choir mates around.. who will u chose to be with? and they chose mum.. said it right in front of her..

such act of bravery.. when can i ever do that..

see mum! ppl do love u.. cause u are ever lovable.. its not true that u nv were in the chosing position.. u always were.. just that u never knew.. but well.. of course.. anyone who wants to be my dad have to undergo real tough interview, training and trials before they can succeed.. hehheh.. my mum is like my most impt friend k.. if u are looking for just a fling.. u better scram.. i m trained in body combat k.. *16 uppercut!* *hike!!!!* haha..

anyway.. i will still be looking for the friendship that last forever.. still looking for that someone who will tell me that i m loveable too.. waiting waiting.. and trust that God has his plan for me..

withoutwax,
yihui

2005-08-16T06:51:00.000-07:00

today was a day of anger, envy and discontented.. for a while only i guess.. i got send to dc cause

i handed up my 1100 vocab book real late..

another friend of mine haven completed it too.. he was at week 3 while i was at week 11.. and we have to complete till week 15.. i spend really lots of time doing it.. i put in my best effort for every single day's work and i spent hours working on it.. yet this friend of mine just copied everything within prehaps half an hour.. felt really unfair and cheated..

some ppl might say.. oh well.. you will benefit more from ur hardwork and u will do better than him.. but this guy.. is a genius.. he can slp through lecture and not do his tutorial and score As! it really unfair to see some ppl slog their lives on only to fare worse than ppl who have slacked through..

but i remembered learning this in church.. the Lord gives and the Lord takes.. the more the Lord gives, the more the Lord takes.. the less he gives.. the less he takes.. thats wad i use to comfort myself.. even though its not easy.. but im sure i will sail through it somehow..

somehow..

somehow we always wish tat somethings never change.. sometimes we just refuse to let go of the past to accept the present..

but i guess i got to sail through it somehow...

somehow...
.
..
...
....
.....
......
.........................

2005-08-14T07:45:00.000-07:00

i have a secret to share..
i m in love.. ^^
with who? nono.. with what..
with geography!! haha...
went on a geo trip with my classmates to labrador park to take photos of the geographical features there.. and i was super excited! wad sir said is true.. geography is everywhere.. is almost everything you see around u.. its really exciting to get a first hand experience of wad you learn in books.. the joints.. type of rocks.. weathering.. waves.. drifts.. and the list goes on and on and on.. wad we saw at labrador park was only a small little aspect.. its a big world out there! haha.. pardon my outburst.. but its simply exciting.. haha.. i was the most enthusiastic person among all my friends.. running around asking them to take lots and lots of photo..
oh yea.. geography is in my life.. geo rox..
as always..

without wax,
yihui

2005-08-12T07:32:00.000-07:00

hmm...
went back to see my kids in kidsREAD.. those lovely looking devils.. haha.. oh well the kids are great.. they said that i was handsome and was a super hero and has a girlfriend! haha.. oh well.. you noe how kids at such young age dun lie.. honest kids.. haha.. oh well.. just kidding..
anyway.. its great to serve in kids read.. so much fun.. everyone in the first term miss their kids..
i rememeber one really funny incident that happen during our kidsread term.. we were teaching two kids in the room words by drawing pictures.. it was a boy and a girl.. suddenly the boy said someting and started to pull his shirt up! much to our horror, the girl beside him says " i can too!' and raise her dress up! we almost fainted.. oh well.. one of the kids today told glenn to take of his pants! haha.. small little devils..
geo tutorial was super funny today.. we made sir watch happy tree friends for the first time.. and he got so shocked and disgusted that he closed it halfway..the rest of the class was laughing like mad..
hmm.. the kids' lovely comments made my day.. haha..

without wax,
yihui

2005-08-08T06:24:00.000-07:00

its amazing how God reveals his plan for us, how he plans for our future.. plans to prosper us..

i can still vividly remember the whole comm election season.. pre election.. election.. post election.. its a great and wonderful experience that helped me grow a lot as a person..

the whole election thing the purest ever democratic process.. no politics.. no bad feelings.. no bitching abt others and stuff.. no trying to win ppl's vote or anything.. it was.. in fact, completely opposite from any normal election process.. we all encouraged each other.. prayed together.. talk to each other for pure love and friendship.

the purest passion for servant leadership bounded by friendships made through music..

well.. i remember that i was feeling disappointed for not being elected.. a normal human reaction.. i was disappointed because i couldnt be part of the team standing right at the front.. the bunch of ppl that have been called to serve.. working in the com with friends is one of the best experience one can have..

yet now when i look at the comm as they go throught their trials and tribulations.. so called..
i finally understood why God did not want me to be in the comm. i finally saw his plan..

should i be in the comm, i will not be able to do what i can do best, that is to play a supporting role. now being outside the comm.. i can give them the utmost support, care and love they would need from all of us to lead us through and create our own leagcy! if i m in the comm.. i cant be that free and easy me, the ever crazy retarted animal from the zoo.. haha..

thank you Lord for showing me ur plan.. plan to prosper me and not to harm me..

to my dearest choir comm.. i pledge my unreseved love and support for u ppl and i wish u ppl all the best in time to come! stay strong!

without wax..

yihui

2005-08-07T05:45:00.000-07:00

some food for thought..

at different points of our lives, there is always something that we wanted so badly.. but yet these things are often beyond our reach.. it maybe a relationship, a friendship, a skill, or to be like someone. these desires always leave us with nothing but moments of pain, anger, sadness and disappointment..

there is one thing that we always wanted for in our life... Answers.. we want to know why.. we want to know yes or no... we want to know how.. however, the harder we tried to look for anwers, the more we cant them. and the more we cant get them, the harder we tried to look for answers.. and so they cycle goes on..

can we accept reality? can we accept wad we have and who we are? can we accept the circumstances we face? can we accept no answer as an answer?

i guess we have to learn to even if we cant. there are certainly too many things beyond our grasp.. just like i know that its rather impossible for fairy tales to happen in my life.. i know i can never be the prince in shining armour.. i know i can never be as good as some other people.. i know i can never be as close to someone i want to no matter how hard i try..

but there is one thing i m certain of. i m me in front of God. trying to find answers.. being jealous will only make me sadder.. my bad moods can do nothing to make me a better person. i just have to accept who i m, cherish and give thanks to what i have, and walk on and do what i can do..

i noe i cant enjoy close relationships with some people, and that i m just a nobody in their lives.. but i have to accept it, and love them in my own way, cause thats the thing that matter most... do not ask what others can respond to what we do, but ask ourselves what we can do to make them a happier person.. unconditional love..

its definitely not easy.. but we shd never forget that God has plans to prosper us.. and not to harm us.. the trusting process is never easy.. but faith will lead us to the promise that God has given us..

to all my friends who are feeling down and upset.. fret not.. cause you have your best friend God.. and i will always be there to support you..

fairytales.. oh well.. i need to learn to let go and walk on too.. let us all learn together.. ^^

without wax,

yihui

*dedicated to all those who are feeling down, esp my dearest mum, limmy. i will be with you.
cheers

2005-08-05T04:08:00.000-07:00

yesterday marks a new beginning..

after a long period of moodiness n dun-feel-like-doing-work mood, i was in much higer spirits yesterday.. and was starting to do my work. progress was slow though, but i m quite hopeful that things will get better.

so wad was i being moody abt? seriously.. i have no idea.. i guess things just pile up and snowballed.. it began so long ago that i forgot wad i was moody abt..

how ironic...

but its surprising to find lots of ppl around me being moody too.. n everyone kind of drags each other down that mood..

but this period of time showed me a lot.. and strenghten the friendships between many of my choir mates... its kind of touching to see how we cheer each other up.. give encouragement.. talk to each other.. spend time with each other.. doing work together..

i call this fighting the moodiness in one spirit..

wad am i talking abt... i dun sound like me.. ahh.. who cares.. anyway.. till then.. see ya!

without wax,
yihui

2005-07-30T08:02:00.000-07:00

i wish to blog, but there are many things that i cant really say.. sigh.. mum's not in the best mood too.. so i dun want to bother her.. maybe i can talk to jie tmr duing dinner.. anyway.. much thanks to cheryl for helping me so much with my blog.. it looks really super cool now.. at least to me lar..
anyway.. lets do some recounting.. today's sectionals was crazy.. we were suppose to learn 3 carols.. the jazzy jazzy type with lots of chromatic stuff... since there was only two keyboard and one piano.. being kind and gentlemanly.. the tenors offered to use the fork to learn the songs.. which we had a really really hard time working on.. we got to use the sop piano only for a while at the end.. haha.. now we know why its not gonna be easy.. there is soooooo much things work on.. notes.. techniques.. the shapping of the music.. etc etc..
anyway.. i was rather distracted and tired.. and was rather demoralised cause i had a hard time getting my part.. but thankfully i didnt give up n work on..
anyway... i haven been in the best of mood.. always leaving the crowd to be alone for a while.. to think abt stuff and stone.. i realised that one of the best places in school is the bleachers.. it is the best place to stone.. and think abt stuff.. it the place i frequent when i have free time without any work to rush on.
anyway.. shall pen again next time..
without wax,
yihui

2005-07-29T06:52:00.000-07:00

tada! kidsread finally ended today for the first batch.. all the handing over.. observing.. etc.. everything is done and completed.. phew..finally.. after such a long commitment.. it is done.. relieved.. but still gonna miss those times with those real cute kids.. most lar.. haha.. friday nights are not gonna be the same without seeing those kids.. n teaching them new things.. i m glad i was part of the team that, through our small way, made a great impact to these little kids..

anyway.. i finally understood something.. remember last entry? haha.. i realised that there is much much more things than just boy girl relationships.. who cares abt bgr anyway.. not tat i dun care.. but it is just not the most impt thing in life.. something much more great and wonderful is around.. n i m not even talking abt God's love yet.. friendship.. it is worth much more of our concern then bgr.

the friends in choir is wonderful.. everyone is always there for everyone.. through difficult times.. sad times.. happy times.. staying back to do homework.. helping each other with studies.. esther helping me to trim my gp articles while complaining tat they look horrible.. telling each other our adverntures.. n most imptly.. encouraging each other through the love of God.. and how God made an impact in our lives.. indeed.. friendships made through music can help us surmount any difficulty..

choir life is gonna be difficult in time to come.. there are still many things to work on.. n its gonna be exciting with just 4 tenors supporting each other.. but once again.. friendships made through music can lead us through all these difficulties...

i begin to see my life changing.. improving.. more God centered.. more focus.. more appreciative in the things around me.. more matured.. thank you Lord for your providence..

i can do all things through Lord who gives me strength...

without wax,

yihui

2005-07-26T03:48:00.000-07:00

"can u feel the love tonight.."
quotes from a whole new world...
oh well.. not tat i m in love.. just feel like.. want to.. envy i guess..
sigh.. walking down the road.. the school.. seeing ppl in pairs.. it kinda make me envy.. i guess every likes to be loved or to have someone to love..
but oh well.. i promise God tat i shall not have relationship now.. to keep focus on my studies.. n ya.. do wad i have to do..
but even if i didnt make tat promise.. i wouldnt be in a relationship anyway.. who wants a fat malay boy anyway..
oh well.. ramdom entry..
mind over heart.. yes yes yes.. indeed.. its ok to envy.. but.. oh well.. who cares.. tada.. tats all..

without wax..

yihui

2005-07-23T07:55:00.000-07:00

today is a day overflooded with emotions.. i was simply touched.. to tears..
today was a special day.. farewell.. the last rehersal tat the senoirs are going to have with us.. the farewell session started of with the j1s singing special moments to the seniors.. then a video which had me featured as a retarted animal in the zoo.. sigh.. i lost all my face and reputation.. all thanks to h*** y*... urgh.. but ya.. we gave the senoirs our special made plates.. n they were really happy.. then the senoirs sang songs for us.. give us presents n presented a video too.. the teachers received presents too..

when we sang.. they teared.. when we watch the two video presentation.. we cried.. when the senoirs sing.. they cried.. they teachers cant help but cry too.. it wasnt tears of sadness..for acjc choir members never leave the choir.. they always come back as alumini.. it was tears of joy.. for knowing that the person beside us havc been through so much with us.. through hard times.. happy times.. difficult times.. looking back at all the photos.. we remembered all the times we spent together.. how much we all have been through.. as a choir.. as a batch..

i didnt cry.. but i teared.. because wad the j2s said.. wad they sing.. was so close to me.. n i feel every word they say.. n every emotion they felt.. singing will be different without these friends.. having these friends without music will be a different story too.. it is this choir.. these friends tat made the whole experience so special.. so different.. n so close to my heart..

i have a lot so say.. but i dun noe wad to say.. cause like madam.. i cant find words to express how i feel.. cause everything is in the heart.. so close n.. ya.. so close.. i can only attempt to describe it.. by sharing the lyrics of the song we presented.. special moments..

lord today we thank you.. for all that you have done..
for earth and sky for air we breathe.. stars and morning sun.
for FRIENDSHIPS and for FAMILIES.. for MEMORIES THAT WE SHARE..
for Growing daily in your love and in your watchful care.
and for the SPECIAL MOMENTS..
the times when we recall..
a BROTHER's guiding presence..a SISTER's gentle call..
the LAUGHTER and the SINGING.. the teaching of your way..
the quiet times TOGETHER..
that taught us how to pray..
though the years go by too quickly..
and our lives are rearranged..
still the lessons learn in choir will always stay the same..
the sacred love God gave us..his grace to us bestowed..
those SPECIAL MOMENTS in our lives with those who LOVED US SO..

yes.. the word in bold spoke the things in my heart.. seniors.. i can never thanks u enough for all the things u have taught us.. wishing u all the best in the upcoming exams.. fellow j1s! its our turn to run our fair share of race.. to do wad we have to do.. and by next year.. we will be able to reflect.. n enjoy our fruits of labour..

the steadfast love of the lord never ceases..

without wax..
yihui

2005-07-18T21:58:00.000-07:00

mind over heart. just as the heart is strong, the mind is stronger. that was the advice mum gave when i told her wads troubling me. i will not go on blabbling about wad happen. it will be a suicide move.. oh well.. but the mind.. is it really tat powerful?of course i will say the same thing to friends if i have to advice them or encourage them on things.. but i noe as much as it is easy to say.. it is difficult to act. very. extremely. i want to jump out of it too.. but i find it hard.. the stinging feeling in the heart that bothers me.. but i noe there is nothing i can do but to fight against my emotions. its not really bothering me a lot.. but it is not something tat i can just brush away too.. so... wad m i talkin abt? haha.. i dunno.. i promise mum that i will be ok.. so ok i shall be.. mind over heart.. mind over matter..maybe i shd start listening to gp lesson.. politics sounds fun.. so till then........without wax, yihui

again

2005-07-15T07:57:00.000-07:00

blogging twice in a day shows how eager i m to share the experience in this blog. oh well.. yup.. to begin with, choir roxs.. yea
ok.. so wads so special?
well, today's interview for committe was ok.. it made me think alot n realise things that i never tot of and.. ya.. small things tat makes up the big picture.. n stuff.. it humbled me a lot too.. knowing how immature n unready i was for the post.. the learning process is of much worth than getting a post.. to me at least.. oh well.. wad a disjointed blog.. haha.. but ya.. things are floating all over my mind... lots of things to think abt.. absorb.. n learn..
however.. its not the main point! wad makes me so happy and so hyper is the tot of how much we all have bonded through all these.. all those who had interview today.. we waited for everyone to finish and we all shared our wonderful experience and well.. maybe a little scary experience.. haha.. we talked a lot abt many things.. give pats hugs and lots and lots of encouragment to each other.seeing each and everyone there being there for someone.. these feeling.. wow.. drives me speechless.. we spent lots of time together today and talked abt lots of stuff.. i felt so bonded.. supported.. loved.. cared .. by everyone around.. i noe my sentence structure is horrible.. but i cant think and articulate properly now.. i m.. overwhelmed in a sense..
and before we left.. we sang carols! haha.. we were singing ansuri while walking out of sch.. the feeling was great.. great.. great..
i have never experience such bond of friendship in my life.. n its indeed God's grace n his wonderful plan.. :)
lets us all grow together ppl.. lets us go through the difficult times.. lets us go as one choir.. one voice.. one family.
without wax,
yihui

back..

2005-07-14T17:35:00.000-07:00

hm.. i m suppose to carry on with my birthday celebration reports, but i guess i have been thinking alot abt stuff such tat i dun really think its appopriate to write anymore.. there have been lots of things i want to write abt, but things just comes and goes at such a fast pace tat i have no time to narrate them out.
guess it due to the com interview season.. sets me off into the thinking mood.. which kinda affects me a lot.. lotsa things disturbing me too.. having to pop pills at intervals everyday.. mom wanting me to quit choir(as usual) and many many other stuff. it sorts of drive me to extreme moody mood.i refuse to talk to friends and separate myself from ppl, thinking abt stuff.. as usual.. oh well.. sorry ppl.. i kinda made u worried.
but oh well.. God's grace.. i recovered in a day's time.. i went off into an extreme hyper mood.. n the best thing is tat i kinda recovered a close friendship within myself.. (those who noe will noe.. those who dun noe u are not suppose to noe anyway.. so dun ask)
wanna thank lots of friends who gave me lots of support n encouragement.. limmy mum.. tin en.. pear.. limin.. thank for being there.
oh ya.. choir rox.. no doubt abt it.. at first, i find myself hard to focus n concentrate.. i wasnt enjoying myself during rehersal.. at first of course. but it is impossible to cheer up when u have a group of friend making music together.. i find myself smiling again after quite some time.. there is no better thing than to sing with friends. love u ppl man.. we rox! haha..
anyway.. i guess soon the whole world noes tat i have a blog.. even though i didnt really wanted lots of ppl to noe its very existance. but if u find my blog, welcome!
haha.. i m suppose to be having pw lessons now.. but oh well..
anyway.. thanks thanks and much thanks.. i m fighting back with ferocious reslience to the core.. n i m rising above the doline.. maybe polje(hopefully i got it right) right.. tats all for now.. i guess..
i m feeling much better. i m soaring like eagle.. i can i will n i m. yea
God bless
without wax,
yihui

birthday part 1

2005-07-10T06:35:00.000-07:00

oh yay! birthday.. its a normal boring day with nothing much.. not much presents but lots of well wishes and suprises.. wanna kinda share something more serious and sad.. but since its my birthday season.. it have to be something happy right!? haha..
yup.. the birthday season starts from friday actually, even though my birthday was on sat.. it wasnt the perfect way to start the birthday season.. i had a terrible day at the ent specialist cause i kinda seen the worst of medical treatment.. the last lesson was english, and the english teacher wasnt around.. so my classmates were like.. oh yar! yihui.. heee.. they started locking the door and stuff.. haha.. the tradition of tao pok and stripping.. the first attempt to escape failed as they caught up with me and pulled my back to class.. so everyone went to complete their assigment.. well.. i had to see mr sum abt geo stuff and attend kidsread meeting aft sch. i cant go off tattered and torn all over. so after the five min bell i slipped off and ran.. hee.. and escaped the torturous tradition.
hmm.. after kidsread i took value air went to mr lynn's office in syberia and asked him for birthday present.. he replied " sure! no problem.. let me see if there is anything valuable left on anyone's table..hee" and he gave an evil grin.. haha..
ok.. tats for friday..
there wasnt much on sat itself.
morning there was choir.. and while i was telling the geo stds the geo lecture time.. n apologising for my stupid mistake... they were kind n lovely enough to sing a bithday song for me.. thanks.. ppl.. yup..
received lots of well wishes.. limin.. mingyan.. charissa( who only knew my birthday was on sat on fri).. ben.. david.. deborah.. all the geo stds..and many many more.. yup.. thanks ppl..
aft tat was tenor bonding with the alumni at marche..
and i went home to slack.. a lot.. and slp at eight.. haha..
oh well.. before i fell asleep, i recived a call from a church mate.. n when i picked up the phone i heard lots of shouts.. it was like tat..
"one two three... happy birthday!" haha.. my friends who was at fellowship called to send me their well wishes.. haha.. they wanted me to go out and eat dinner.. but i was too tired.. haha.. kinda a wrong way to end ones birthday by slping.. but.. oh well..
haha.. there is still sunday! haha.. but kinda gotta be long.. so i guess i have to do it hamstar style n split it into versions.. haha.. so till then.. birthday part 2 is on its way! tada..

reopening

2005-07-10T06:30:00.000-07:00

oh well.. just in case my jie complains tat she cant read my blog cause she has no friendster, i haved moved hse to blogspot! hse warming! alright.. this is the previous single entry in the old address..

the first entry.....

greetings. i am embarking on a new journey of blogging, a quest that i forsee no long term goal, for my blogs never last more than 3 entries.
haha.. alright.. i m no writer, and ppl comment on wad i say or type all the time. i lack of the humour tat hamstar have, or the literature style of writing mom uses. however, i shall be me! true blue me. i dun expect lots of ppl reading my blog anyway, cause i will only be telling close friends abt its very existence.
oh well.. so why on earth do i blog? well.. cause things go through my mind, and bogs me all the time.so this will be my venting machine, to write what goes through my mind and to let my friends noe wad is wrong with me.. in case they worry about me.
so let me start my first blog with what i have been thinking about these few days..... (and so the journey begins.. tada!)
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ok.. enough of being lame.. firstly.. i m a irritating boy.. very.. n i find myself irritating ppl all the time. tats eqn 1. eqn2: God gives me lots of gift.. among them he floods me with emotion.. n he puts a big space in my heart for my friends. my friends are especially dear to me n i treasure them real lots... so friends.. never under estimate how much u mean to me.. cause u are priceless.. prehaps ppl find this too girlish, but i will take tat as God's gift.
so what does tat mean? ans: eqn 1 + eqn 2 = trouble
how so? i will always be worrying abt me irritating my friends and losing them in the end.. thats my worst nightmare. the focus of what i do n how i behave will always be on how not to lose my friends. how not to irritate them.. n how to keep more to myself. i m no longer caring more for my friends because i m afraid tat my care would be an act of irritation. i no longer open up myself and share myself with friends because of the same fear. i m so afraid of losing what is in my hand and grip on to it so tight that i deny myself of receiving more by opening up my hand. sad isn't it?
i guess there are many things tat i got to learn. learn to let go. learn not to care so much of how ppl think abt me. learn to trust God.. learn to trust me friends..learn to be less irritating.. learn to be more independent...
to all my friends out there.. sorry for being such an irritating friend.. sorry for closing up on u.. i still love u all.. i just gotta learn to be more mature i guess.. and thanks for being there for me all the time.. mum.. charissa.. and many many more.. thanks for being great friends, n give me time to learn to be ur great friend too. thank you..
without wax,
yihui