as long as i have music.

just wanna add this to the previous blog.. no matter how irony..

you are my strenght when i am weak,
you are the treasure that i seek,
you are my all in all.

seeking you as a precious jewel,
Lord to give up i'll be a fool.
you are my all in all.

jesus, lamb of God,
worthy is ur name..

irony right..

the same person who babble so much abt christianity and morality hurt u so badly through his immoral acts..

sorry again? it cheapens the value of sorry.. but there is nothing i can do right?

No you don't know what it's like
To be hurt ..feel lost.. left out in the dark..kicked When you're down.. like you've been pushed
around. on the edge of breaking down And no one's there to save you

who says i dun noe wad it feels like.. i do.. really.. been through many things myself.. and i understand all these feelings as much as u do now..

sorry..

i dun noe if the rest are apologising as much as i did.. dun care.. but since i did the most damage.. i must apologise.. until u forgive.. and i will wait no matter how long..

meanwhile.. i will be praying for u..

i feel bad.. terrible.. remorseful..

i guess i have been a lousy and real insensitive friend.. and worse.. a terible example of one that believes in the christian faith..

sorry glenn.. truely.. honestly.. really sorry..

u are right pal.. u did nothing to deserve it.. all these jacking.. jokes that simply spread like wildfire.. and here i m.. the main offender who deserved to be stoned for..

we have carelessly forgotten abt ur feelings when we were with our immature ways seeking cheap thrills..

never shd have.. at the expense of ur feelings..

if i had known..

wouldnt have done that.. never.. never to make a friend cry..

too late? maybe.. sorry..

yup.. i deserve the cold shoulder.. the f words that u hurl at my face..

but..

but.. i want to tell u that.. we maybe jacking u like mad.. but never.. never a time we failed to love u like a friend.. like a brother.. it sounds gay.. sound fake to u now.. but true.. and i promise u that from the bottom of my heart..

our childish and immature jokes are never because we dun like u.. not because u are out of place..

cause we still love u as a friend.. just forget to respect.. really hope u can brush aside ur anger and believe in wad i say..

sorry for hurting u.. sorry for making u feel lost.. sorry for leaving u out in the dark.. sorry for kicking u when u are down.. sorry for pushing u around.. sorry for causing u to be on the edge of breaking down..

n u noe wad.. i m not telling u all these cause i m afraid of losin my friends.. i m not saying all these to make me feel better..

but i care.. get in into ur half drown head..

f*** that's the first thing u will say after reading this..

u probably wun give a damm abt all these crap in here..

and probably its hard to return after the limit is crossed..

i cant do anything now.. but to sincerely beg.. and yes i use the word beg.. for ur forgiveness..

really hope that would feel better..

yesterday was an anchor point of my life.. a day of change and new understanding...

charissa was sort of half scolding me yesterday.. why? cause i have been worrying too much.. not trusting enough and always keeping things to myself.. i m always worrying abt losing that my friends that results in me losing my friends.. stop wallowing in self pity!!!

i need to trust.. i need to share.. i need to worry less.. this words were like a big slap on my face.. hard and painful.. but it was a good slap.. a slap that shook me awake.. opened my eyes.. and really took me into a new perspective..

sorry..

well.. i m changed now! jusat gotta trust.. learn.. forgive me friends! i m a new me!

yay!! so look out for happy blogs.. no more unhappy blogs marky.. dun worry..

haha.. that's why charissa is such a great friend.. never fails or hesitate to point out my mistakes to me.. hard way or soft.. she will just just put it right in front of my face.. this ur mistake.. learn! change!

thanks sister..

looking back at the things i haven done and the things i have thought of, i found myself so childish.. immature.. and unmanly.. yuks..

but now i m THE MEN.. haha..

now.. i m leaving God to heal my friendships.. doing everything i have to in my part soon.. hopefully this period will end soon and i will step out becoming a better matured man..

without wax,

yihui

thank God for good friends..

and thank God for great teachers..

yesterday i felt like a king.. wow.. mr cheeky saw me stoning at the bleachers that day and sms me and encouraged me.. asking me if i was ok and stuff.. wow.. big news ok.. normally i will be thankful that he doesnt call me mass movement or says that i add weight.. but he actually sms me to ecourage me ok.. even though i doenst enrich his life or increase his pay(as he always say)

haha.. thank u sir.. i m fine..

today was a significant day.. an anchor point of our tenor season.. the first time we performed as a j1 batch.. with an alumni helping us.. although our voice has lots more room to grow.. and our performance wasnt the best.. its was a credible performance and we all really trusted and give as much as we can in the section.. like wad ben said.. we are all really proud to be tenors..

tenors the rare breed...

anyway.. the whole world complains that my blog is too sad.. yar.. i think so too.. like hamstar says.. since friends are reading our blog.. we shd spread joy too! so yup.. i will write more happy entries in days to come..

yup yup..really really greatful for all the people around me.. the road would have been much tougher to travel without them..

without wax,

yihui

indeed.. thank God for good friends..

i always tot few ppl read my blog.. yesterday night when i was abt to slp.. mr spiderman sent me two really good songs.. and encouraged me a lot.. reminding me that we are still really good brothers and there are indeed friendships.. and yuen kay.. even though as irritating as ever asked if i was feeling ok too..
in the middle of the night.. tired.. demoralised.. upset..
there came words of encouragment.. songs of encouragement.. acts of friendship and love.. i was almost touched to tears..
the next morning even the ever worrisome gloomy mr marky came to ask if i was ok..
really.. much thanks to tin tin.. yuen kay.. marky.. mum.. and many others.. thanks..

i noe i m such a disappointment.. cause i was upset again today.. seeing other ppl doing the same thing we used to do with my good friend.. this sentence sounds confusing.. but thats the main point.. if u noe who is it.. good.. if not nvm.. i guess i will never talk abt it again.. the person would never know tat i m expriencing these things anyway.. who the person care? i dunno.. who cares..

i spent almost an hour stoning at the bleachers.. thinking abt stuff.. memories.. sigh.. saw 4 guys training ultimate freesbie.. and it reminded me abt friends.. how sometimes it is almost at reach.. just within my grasp.. so close.. yet at the crucial moment it deflected and missed it by inches...
so close..
yet so far...

my heart fills with memories of the past.. prehaps there shdnt be any in the first place.. to spare me of the heartache i experience now..

sigh.. shd any one be reading this.. dun worry abt me.. i m perfectly fine.. just trying to complain abt childish and immature stuff.. i m a selfish person.. worrying for others and yet refuses to allow others to worry abt me.. so please dun.. but thanks nonetheless..

i believe i will soon climb up of this pit of sorrow.. energised and strenghtened to brace for the new challanges ahead.. i m a survivor.. and i will survivor..

cheers..

without wax,
yihui

i felt really demoralised abt friendships a few days ago..

recalling....

there are so many times when i made really really good friends.. those we pledge never to forget.. that we promised to do everything to keep our friendships the closest and the best.. and yet most of the times friendships are lost as time goes by.. not really lost.. but just that people are no longer close to each other.. they have new friends.. they are no longer close to me.. i no longer share those great bonds with them anymore..

is there really no friendship tat is forever?! must friendships that i have worked so hard for to forged come to a naught?! tell me!!!

that was the thought that was running in my mind.. as memories of good times with old friends flash across my mind..

i m still thinking abt it now too.. looking at those pics at my blog.. these friends that i have.. am i going to lose them someday too? if so, why work so hard to be the best friend i can be?

sigh...

i guess if i dun even take the step of faith.. i wun have friends to start with.. what more memories to speak about? its nobody's fault if my friends are no longer close to me.. not mine not theirs.. the only thing i can do is to walk on and continue to be the best friend i can be to those around me.. even if they might harm me.. upset me in the future..

sigh.. why m i feeling so sad..

anyway.. really proud of these two choir guys.. we were at coffee bean with mum and were chatting.. then someone posted the qn: if there are only j1 choir mates around.. who will u chose to be with? and they chose mum.. said it right in front of her..

such act of bravery.. when can i ever do that..

see mum! ppl do love u.. cause u are ever lovable.. its not true that u nv were in the chosing position.. u always were.. just that u never knew.. but well.. of course.. anyone who wants to be my dad have to undergo real tough interview, training and trials before they can succeed.. hehheh.. my mum is like my most impt friend k.. if u are looking for just a fling.. u better scram.. i m trained in body combat k.. *16 uppercut!* *hike!!!!* haha..

anyway.. i will still be looking for the friendship that last forever.. still looking for that someone who will tell me that i m loveable too.. waiting waiting.. and trust that God has his plan for me..

withoutwax,
yihui

today was a day of anger, envy and discontented.. for a while only i guess.. i got send to dc cause

i handed up my 1100 vocab book real late..

another friend of mine haven completed it too.. he was at week 3 while i was at week 11.. and we have to complete till week 15.. i spend really lots of time doing it.. i put in my best effort for every single day's work and i spent hours working on it.. yet this friend of mine just copied everything within prehaps half an hour.. felt really unfair and cheated..

some ppl might say.. oh well.. you will benefit more from ur hardwork and u will do better than him.. but this guy.. is a genius.. he can slp through lecture and not do his tutorial and score As! it really unfair to see some ppl slog their lives on only to fare worse than ppl who have slacked through..

but i remembered learning this in church.. the Lord gives and the Lord takes.. the more the Lord gives, the more the Lord takes.. the less he gives.. the less he takes.. thats wad i use to comfort myself.. even though its not easy.. but im sure i will sail through it somehow..

somehow..

somehow we always wish tat somethings never change.. sometimes we just refuse to let go of the past to accept the present..

but i guess i got to sail through it somehow...

somehow...
.
..
...
....
.....
......
.........................

i have a secret to share..
i m in love.. ^^
with who? nono.. with what..
with geography!! haha...
went on a geo trip with my classmates to labrador park to take photos of the geographical features there.. and i was super excited! wad sir said is true.. geography is everywhere.. is almost everything you see around u.. its really exciting to get a first hand experience of wad you learn in books.. the joints.. type of rocks.. weathering.. waves.. drifts.. and the list goes on and on and on.. wad we saw at labrador park was only a small little aspect.. its a big world out there! haha.. pardon my outburst.. but its simply exciting.. haha.. i was the most enthusiastic person among all my friends.. running around asking them to take lots and lots of photo..
oh yea.. geography is in my life.. geo rox..
as always..

without wax,
yihui

hmm...
went back to see my kids in kidsREAD.. those lovely looking devils.. haha.. oh well the kids are great.. they said that i was handsome and was a super hero and has a girlfriend! haha.. oh well.. you noe how kids at such young age dun lie.. honest kids.. haha.. oh well.. just kidding..
anyway.. its great to serve in kids read.. so much fun.. everyone in the first term miss their kids..
i rememeber one really funny incident that happen during our kidsread term.. we were teaching two kids in the room words by drawing pictures.. it was a boy and a girl.. suddenly the boy said someting and started to pull his shirt up! much to our horror, the girl beside him says " i can too!' and raise her dress up! we almost fainted.. oh well.. one of the kids today told glenn to take of his pants! haha.. small little devils..
geo tutorial was super funny today.. we made sir watch happy tree friends for the first time.. and he got so shocked and disgusted that he closed it halfway..the rest of the class was laughing like mad..
hmm.. the kids' lovely comments made my day.. haha..

without wax,
yihui

its amazing how God reveals his plan for us, how he plans for our future.. plans to prosper us..

i can still vividly remember the whole comm election season.. pre election.. election.. post election.. its a great and wonderful experience that helped me grow a lot as a person..

the whole election thing the purest ever democratic process.. no politics.. no bad feelings.. no bitching abt others and stuff.. no trying to win ppl's vote or anything.. it was.. in fact, completely opposite from any normal election process.. we all encouraged each other.. prayed together.. talk to each other for pure love and friendship.

the purest passion for servant leadership bounded by friendships made through music..

well.. i remember that i was feeling disappointed for not being elected.. a normal human reaction.. i was disappointed because i couldnt be part of the team standing right at the front.. the bunch of ppl that have been called to serve.. working in the com with friends is one of the best experience one can have..

yet now when i look at the comm as they go throught their trials and tribulations.. so called..
i finally understood why God did not want me to be in the comm. i finally saw his plan..

should i be in the comm, i will not be able to do what i can do best, that is to play a supporting role. now being outside the comm.. i can give them the utmost support, care and love they would need from all of us to lead us through and create our own leagcy! if i m in the comm.. i cant be that free and easy me, the ever crazy retarted animal from the zoo.. haha..

thank you Lord for showing me ur plan.. plan to prosper me and not to harm me..

to my dearest choir comm.. i pledge my unreseved love and support for u ppl and i wish u ppl all the best in time to come! stay strong!

without wax..

yihui

some food for thought..

at different points of our lives, there is always something that we wanted so badly.. but yet these things are often beyond our reach.. it maybe a relationship, a friendship, a skill, or to be like someone. these desires always leave us with nothing but moments of pain, anger, sadness and disappointment..

there is one thing that we always wanted for in our life... Answers.. we want to know why.. we want to know yes or no... we want to know how.. however, the harder we tried to look for anwers, the more we cant them. and the more we cant get them, the harder we tried to look for answers.. and so they cycle goes on..

can we accept reality? can we accept wad we have and who we are? can we accept the circumstances we face? can we accept no answer as an answer?

i guess we have to learn to even if we cant. there are certainly too many things beyond our grasp.. just like i know that its rather impossible for fairy tales to happen in my life.. i know i can never be the prince in shining armour.. i know i can never be as good as some other people.. i know i can never be as close to someone i want to no matter how hard i try..

but there is one thing i m certain of. i m me in front of God. trying to find answers.. being jealous will only make me sadder.. my bad moods can do nothing to make me a better person. i just have to accept who i m, cherish and give thanks to what i have, and walk on and do what i can do..

i noe i cant enjoy close relationships with some people, and that i m just a nobody in their lives.. but i have to accept it, and love them in my own way, cause thats the thing that matter most... do not ask what others can respond to what we do, but ask ourselves what we can do to make them a happier person.. unconditional love..

its definitely not easy.. but we shd never forget that God has plans to prosper us.. and not to harm us.. the trusting process is never easy.. but faith will lead us to the promise that God has given us..

to all my friends who are feeling down and upset.. fret not.. cause you have your best friend God.. and i will always be there to support you..

fairytales.. oh well.. i need to learn to let go and walk on too.. let us all learn together.. ^^

without wax,

yihui

*dedicated to all those who are feeling down, esp my dearest mum, limmy. i will be with you.
cheers

yesterday marks a new beginning..

after a long period of moodiness n dun-feel-like-doing-work mood, i was in much higer spirits yesterday.. and was starting to do my work. progress was slow though, but i m quite hopeful that things will get better.

so wad was i being moody abt? seriously.. i have no idea.. i guess things just pile up and snowballed.. it began so long ago that i forgot wad i was moody abt..

how ironic...

but its surprising to find lots of ppl around me being moody too.. n everyone kind of drags each other down that mood..

but this period of time showed me a lot.. and strenghten the friendships between many of my choir mates... its kind of touching to see how we cheer each other up.. give encouragement.. talk to each other.. spend time with each other.. doing work together..

i call this fighting the moodiness in one spirit..

wad am i talking abt... i dun sound like me.. ahh.. who cares.. anyway.. till then.. see ya!

without wax,
yihui