a few hours after the previous entry, someone forced me to call and half scolded me for misintepreting her. scold, persuade, explain for almost an hour to make sure i dun feel lousy. =)
well. so i was doing great.
went to church camp. had fun. lots of fun. and it so happened that the message of day 1 was about self esteem. the speaker was sharing his experience of how God made use of the things he detest most in him to serve him. wonderful wonderful wonderful. =)
at night, we went to the roof to star gaze. saw shooting stars! whee.. it was just beautiful. to lie down. and gaze at the stars above, the night breeze blowing lightly on ur face. =)
well. so i left camp the next day, faith and confidence renewed, but,
with a heavy heart.
well. i could have stayed till night of day two, cause choir rehearsal is only on sat morning. but i felt i needed the rest. to settle down mentally, physically, and emotionally if any left. choir is now top piority for me, and i must make sure that i am in my best condition. tip top form. i know that if i were to stay till the night, i would lose more resting time. and become more tired because of all the games and all the fun. in my position, i cannot afford to compromise choir now.
well. of course my friends wanted me to stay. but i was clear and firm in my decision. i know wad i have to do.
at this point wad i needed most, was understanding, care and support from friends.
well. i had this really really good friend in church. someone i cared most, respect most. loved most. someone who meant so much to me. yet, she was the only one, who did not understand, did not show any care. it hurts.
she thinks that i went home because i couldnt fit in with people in fellowship, and is finding excuse to shrink into my comfort zone. she thinks that i just want to run away. cause i couldnt really fit in fellowship, and didnt want to try. she talked to me in a -i give up on u, do wadever u want- manner. and when it comes from someone u cared so much. it hurts terribly.
well, is she knew everything that i have been through recently. if she knew wad choir means to me. if she knew more about me. she probably would thought otherwise. but there wasnt a chance to do so. she never gave me a chance to talk to her in a personal level. one to one. always busy. always mixing around. well. i cant talk about more personal stuff is ther are people around right?
i wouldnt say that my reasons for leaving are perfectly pure. a part of me wants to shrink in my comfort zone. to enjoy and relax. but it is definitely not the reason for me do leave camp early! i am quite sure i m not that immature to base my actions of pure impulse and emotions!
when other friends dun understand, they least they did was to show care and concern. and the attitude she showed, as someone so important to me, just hurts badly.

but well. i guess i just have to walk over. stay focus. do the right thing. i m past the emotional stage, and i guess. its time to learn from it.