its surprising how people affects each other. someone's action affects another. and the latter affects another. and it goes on and on.
i guess this is one point of life when i feel really lousy.
i always thought that i should be there for my friends. all the time. no matter where. no matter when. when they are feeling down, i should be around them. to cheer them up. to share their pain.
so matter how hard or trying things can be. i go on. cause to me thats wad friendship is all about. being there for one another. supporting one another. so at times, even when i feel like going down,i go on.
it was the belief that it was worth it. the trust that the things i go through can help them.
yet.
incidents after incidents. i am presented the cruel fact insignificant my care and concern can be. and it undermines everything i worked so hard for. and the things i believed in.
a whole pear cannot replace a slice of orange. that is prehaps something i will not forget for life.
time and time. i see how worthless my words can be by the very fact that i am not peoples' source of joy and comfort. a short conversation from the right person defeats scores of hours i spent trying to cheer the person up.
how can i go on when the very foundation of my friendship is shaken? some times i just feel like telling people. go away. i have nothing to offer. i cant make u smile nor bring u joy. my everthing is pale in comparison to others' something.
i need a break. to return to God. to church friends. to renew my strenght.
and to remember that i loved because he first loved us.
when going gets tough.