yes. first march. a day of joy for some, and a day for a day of sorrow for others..
a levels results.
alongside with it. we j2 received our mother tongue results.
i took chinese a, but i had to go for the paper too as i didnt take HMT in secondary school.
my grade: B3 merit for oral.
*sigh*
happy? contented?
far from it i guess.
even before i received my results i have decided to remain cool no matter what happened.
i thought i did pretty ok.
but when i got my results back, i was shocked.
i tried so hard to hide my disappointment, but i was shocked.
prehaps b3 is a very good score already to many. ppl were screaming and crying because they passed.
but. taking chi a, there is a certain expectation for me. expectations i had for my self. and expectations from other people.
coming from a chinese speaking environment and background, the result wasnt really something to celebrate abt for me.
the worst thing was that i got a merit for oral.
yes merit.
prehaps the first in my years of education.
a slap in the face. straight on.
i almost died.
to me its equivalent to failing a subject in A lvls.
How bad can it go?

i really wanted to share with someone my disappointment, but everyone around me was celebrating. i cant bear to burden them with my own disappointment. i had to put on a happy face, pretend to be ok but deep down i am very affected. Right now i am still waiting for a promised phone call that hasnt come. it probably wouldnt.

it isnt very comforting when someone comes up to me and say, "i thought u chinese a one how come i fare better than u? "
it isnt very comforting to know that my grades werent comparable to those whom i thought my standard where higher in comparism.
it isnt very comforting for my chinese A teacher to come and tell me. see. i told you your standard is there only. you should buck up.
it isnt very comforting to see friends from chinese A scoring much better than i did. but at least this friend saw my disappointment and made a point to show that she cared. thanks ying ling.

the costly lesson that God taught me.

1) humility. don't always thing that you are very good. you arent.
2) buck up. if you don't start studying you won't make it.
3) you can make it if you work hard enough!

after collecting the results i went to watch the giving out of results. and so many choir seniors obtained full distinctions. and i was inspired to work even harder.

prehaps getting b3 is good after all.
prehaps.


drawing strenght from the Lord...