as long as i have music.

well. its a long time since i came back to realm of blogs. i thought since i have half an hour worth of civilian time left, i should spend the time penning my thoughts, so that i could laugh at myself in time to come.

well today is a day i am reminded of my own stupidity. my lack of maturity. where i actualize my mom's prophecy. that i am brash, that i lack concentration, proper planning, and that i cant even get a simple thing right. like checking for my 11b (army's verison of ic) before i head for my advance theory test. so that i wouldnt be barred for the test.

well, stupid isnt it? something so simple, and yet i just have to screw it up. today just totally reminded me of an incident that happened last year. for some strange reason i just completely forgot about my drivng lesson and threw 60 bucks into the drain. duh.

it feels sucky to do something like that. make a stupid mistake that i shouldnt have. chidding my self and made a promise never again, only to fall again in due time. i should really learn to stop acting smart, stop behaving as if i can accomplish many things and sit down and learn to focus, so that i can, at the very least, accomplish something that myself, and people around me can be proud of.

i feel a lack of goal, of direction in my life currently. i'm just wasting my life away cause:
1) most of the time i'm in "the organisation"
2) i'm either too tired/drained(mentally, spiritually,emotionally)/sian to do anything condusive. i just want to go out, meet friends or laze around at home, watching tv, disturbing people online.

well to be honest being in "the organisation" shaped me to a certain extent. i've seen a darker and yet realistic world outside. i've seen extremes of good and evil. and you would probably have to throw a lot more shit at me to bring me down. otherwise i'd just plug my thumb into my mouth and move on. "the organisation" made me stronger and yet and the same time, " badder" and "meaner". i find it impossible to be absolutely nice all the time. it just isnt practical, and its not the way how things work in "the organisation". its about common benefits. common goals. what can i benefit. its a different world out there.

i need control. concentration. to bring my life back to track. to rediscover who i really am. but first i need them to stop buring my weekends. to stop making me do things beyond my job scope. to control every bit of our movement. to restrain and limit our benefits and welfare. to demand without giving. to make empty promises.

7 months. that how long i'll have to endure. to protect that little bit of integrity left. to not flow with the crowd. to fake and lie my way through. to taking mcs and slacking away. to make peace with everybody. to get a fit body. =)

i'm kinda glad nobody reads my blog anymore. (hopefully! unless i have some secret admirer stalking me. hur hur.) i feel more at ease to write knowing that i wouldnt be judged. oh well.

God bless you all. if you are reading. and God bless me.
peace out.

Spiritual battles.
How many of us have that kind of experience? I'm not referring to spiritual battles like a mental struggle when tempted to do something wrong. Like should i tell a lie or that sort.
I'm talking about something more eerie, something "supernatural" as one may refer as.

I purchased a book called Ghosts, A Christian's encounter a few hours ago written by Ravi Pillai, a diplomat working in the ministry of foreign affairs. i bought this book because, well, i have had such encounters before, and i wanted to see what this book has to offer with regards to such a topic. Well i completed the book in one seating, page after page, chapters after chapters, with goosebumps and shivers down my spine every few minutes.

pardon me for being a timid man, but i must admit that i have never been a brave soul when it comes to dealing with such matter. His encounters with the paranormal seemed so real to me, but its not just fear that grips me, but also the fact that he remains victorious amidst over powering odds that amaze me. The fact that God is God, and His power is all that matters.

I've had my share of ghostly encounters, but not as tangible as the ones that challenged the author's faith.

I remembered one night when i woke up in the middle of the night, and felt a powerful force holding me down. Well, i couldn't see anything of course, but some how i just knew at the back of my head that an evil force was acting against me.

i was naturally petrified. i couldn't move, and i don't exactly know what was going on. i laid there on the bed and i prayed and prayed. I was begging for His deliverance and grace while i cried and broke out in cold sweat. i sang hymns and kept calling out for His name, because that was the only thing i could have done.

after a while, all was calm and quiet. whatever that was there left as quickly as it had came. i sat upright with tears still in my eyes and body full of sweat. and i sat there thanking the Lord all night.

-That- is just one of my few encounters.

well i must admit that i have been a rather weak christian. even though i grew up in a christian family, my walk with God, my relationship with Him wasn't very strong. and it is especially so now, that i have left the christian environment in AC, and left to fend for myself in a hostile environment like the army. I have done a lot of thing that i know i shouldn't have, and i am -still- making the same mistakes i vowed not to commit the day before. i would pray for forgiveness on one day, only to fall again on another.

well this post serves to remind myself and friends reading this entry, that spiritual battles can be, at times, very real, scary and "movie-like". It is important to live each day holding on tight to His hands, for we would never know when will we have to face such challenges.

i am embarrassed that i have more than often flee from battle out of fear. i have forgotten to fix my eyes upon the Lord, and succumb to the enemy. i must admit the many sins that i have committed, and i sincerely pray for strength, courage and faith, and i hope that my friends can pray for me as i attempt to repair my relationship with God, and as i seek to walk with Him every day in my life. And i too will pray for all my friends, that you may seek peace and courage in Him every day, that we may shine and His beacon of truth and light.

To God be the Glory.

"God had not given me the spirit of fear, but of love and of power and i sound mind"
2tim 1:7

Can't

Can i carol this year? Can't.

Can i go for church camp? Can't

Can i go for church camp next year? Can't

Can i sing for evening with friends next year? Can't

Can i go for tour next year? Can't

Can i have my leave in peace? Can't

Can i have my weekend in peace? Can't

Can i have a longer hols for Christmas? Can't

Can mosquitoes stop biting me? Can't

i am not trying to complain, but i really hate army.

"Give me your hand, and I will follow.

Where ever you would have me go.

Give me your sign, and I will go quickly.

For your sweet fellowship, to know.

As night follows day, as rainbow follows rain.

Your love to me,

Is sweet as nectar.

And I to you shall vow,

The same. "

People who knew that I was going today were wondering who my mysterious "date" was. The person was none other than Jovell Che, a friend I met 3 years ago when our family went on a tour to Western Europe. We kept in contact via Msn, and this was our first reunion after the tour. So Mark, shut up on the "who's that" drone.

Short introduction. Vell's a crazy and funny person who's currently a third year nursing student at NYP, and serving her internship at CGH. And well, we were part of this "G7 snow battle group" (I had no idea how we thought of such a corny name) 3 years back.

And I must say I'm glad to see you pal! Haha. We had quite a lot of fun today. Random strolling around town, "Lions for Lambs", Hong Kong Cafe dinner, and lastly chill out at coffee bean. A whole day exchanging stories of our wild and crazy moment in school/at work, the irritating people, stories about "toilet! toilet!", and our random jokes about Farrer Park and Motherland. hur hur.

And I met quite a lot of people round town today! I met Evon, classmate from Jurong at the MRT station, Mrs Teoh at Wisma, some PHPPS girl at dinner, and a Jurong friend at Coffee Bean. Strange day.

"Never had I seen such lions led by such lambs". That was my take away from the movie today. The movie "Lions For Lambs" was very much a GP-political science thingy, and it did set me thinking. For a while at least. The lack of GP lessons had generated quite a bit of rust inside whats left inside my head after all.

Talking about intellectual thinking, I was really amazed by an entry written by Jo. It was such a powerful entry written using such simple words. *Amazed, bows down kneel on the floor and start praying* Haha. What a talented senior.

Finally on my way home (around 1215am), I chanced upon an old lady who was sitting at the train station trying to sell her packets of tissue. Naturally I bought a packet from her so that the poor soul can return home a dollar richer, and it kinda set me thinking again. I remembered the days when I was younger and my family were trying to make ends meet, trips to Mac were such a luxury then! Its such a blessing that now I can enjoy a good cup of coffee at coffee bean without much worry. Well of course I don't go for Carlton escapades and $40 steak like SOME PEOPLE(haha), I find myself such a fortunate person!

And people, I'm not emo. There isn't melancholic, melancholy or anything like that (please spare me that people). And since I haven't been writing, combined with that fact that I'm currently in army, and that i have a track record of bad grammar, feel free to shoot me, and I'll edit the mistakes soon. =)

Last but not least, all the best to the kids who are still having their A' levels! Soon you can enjoy your fruits of labour. We'll be praying for all of ya!

Till then, have a nice day. Hur hur.

No Time,
No Time.